By Nikkya Hargrove

The holidays can be tough for all of us for many different reasons. For some of us, it involves the emotional and physical roller coaster ride of buying family and friends gifts, teachers gifts, and shuffling from school events to work events. And then there are the added financial burdens just to name a few. There is a way to replenish our tank when it feels like we are no longer running on the fumes of joy during the holiday season — volunteering together. Giving back during the holidays is one of the most renewing activities a person can do, especially with one’s family. Deciding we can go out and help others is exactly what my family and I choose to do around the holidays. While volunteering is and should be a year-long endeavor, it is particularly special to interact with people and spread a little extra joy during the holiday season.

From discussion to action, volunteering helps support our children’s and our own growing social and emotional skills and contributes to a sense of well-being for those serving and for those receiving. Who doesn’t want to know that someone cares? For me, that is what volunteering, both indirect and direct, is all about. Have you tried sitting and writing a note of gratitude to someone you don’t know and leaving it in a high traffic area for a random person to pick up? And let’s go one step further. Can you imagine being the one to receive the note? It could be a simple “Have a good day” or “You are amazing”! We know words matter and mean so much.

One Thanksgiving past, my family and I decided to help the homeless in our neighboring communities. We went shopping for hygiene supplies, headed to McDonald’s to purchase $5 gift cards, and with the items we’d purposefully collected, we packed each backpack with love and care. While in the store, we talked about which items a homeless person could use. We talked about what being homeless meant, especially during the winter months. We talked about the why of volunteering and why we decided to help a particular community with great need while building our children’s empathetic thinking. Once we finished packing the bags, we went to the intentional communities our local homeless population created and listened. We went into their makeshift homes. We asked what their other needs were. We carefully listened. As we left, we were waved on our way by grateful humans who were touched that someone took the time to care about their needs and wanted nothing in return.

Volunteering is an opportunity to increase one’s social awareness about issues that need more attention, like homelessness and poverty.

Volunteering builds one’s capacity to communicate effectively. Communication is key.

My family and I had a job that day. We needed to work together towards our common goal – building our collaboration skills. Our first goal was to shop for the items. Then we needed to communicate effectively with one another to understand what was going into the bags. From parents to kids, there was a job for everyone. Everyone had a purpose along the way. 

Once we were in the car, traveling towards the predetermined locations, everyone also had a job: to look out for any homeless person – someone holding a sign asking for help. And they did. When they saw someone, I, as the resident driver, would head in that person’s direction. My twin daughters were responsible for handing out the McDonalds gift cards to each person. I knew we’d chosen the right activity for our family that Thanksgiving when the kids argued over who would give out the final gift card.

And it didn’t stop there. The kids learned how incredibly grateful they were for their warm car, their full bellies, and the opportunity to be with their family members – people who loved them and supported them. As we reflected together on our experience, we recognized another important part about our day… everyone we met wanted to be heard and seen. The act of volunteering did exactly that for all. 

Nikkya Hargrove is an alum of Bard College and a 2012 Lambda Literary Fellow. She has written for the The New York Times, The Guardian, The Washington Post, Taproot Magazine, Elle, and more. Her memoir, Mama: A Black, Queer Woman’s Journey to Motherhood, is forthcoming from Algonquin Books. She lives in Connecticut with her one son and two daughters and is a staff writer for Scary Mommy. Learn more at https://www.nikkyamhargrove.com.

Congratulations Confident Parent Nikkya Hargrove on your courageous new book “Mama; A Queer Black Woman’s Story of a Family Lost and Found.” Check it out!