confident parents confident kids

In honor of Halloween, let’s have some fun with classic monsters. Below are some short excerpts from the “Humanaissance” book in the section that considers reflecting on our own shadow side and learning about our teen’s shadow side. Consider what your monster defense is when you are on guard and being self-protective. We all have one (or a few!). Which one is your go-to? Consider your teen. Which one is their go-to?

Reflecting on your protective monster can help you become aware when it appears. Then, instead of following your impulses which can do harm to self or others, you can become intentional about pausing and making a different choice in those moments.

Be sure and check out the courage remedies to each that help you do no harm.

Zombie or Frankenstein

Numbing to Avoid and Externalize Fears

“When fear strikes, we, or our teens, can easily be taken over by the zombie. At times, we can prefer numbing, or not feeling, to the dark discomfort of feeling fear…inhabiting the zombie too long can produce harmful consequences in our relationships.  We’ll distance ourselves from our inner sense of self; our emotions, including our threat warning system becoming reactive to others; our empathy for and ways of connecting with others and our ability to make responsible decisions Frankenstien fears his own anger will get out of control.”

Courage Remedy: Self love and acceptance of messy and darker emotions. Reflecting on and honoring uncomfortable emotions deepens our teen’s trust in us and their own self trust as they realize that a wide spectrum of feelings is being human and normal.

Dracula

Approaching and Externalizing

If you feel self-righteous–certain you know best in all situations-this could be your monster. “Dracula sucks the blood of his unsuspecting victims, but an adult using this defense will assert that they are right, those loyal will agree with their opinions, and those who disagree are made sorry for that wrong decision. For teens, this can show up as ‘mean girl/boy syndrome’ where a group punishes or excludes someone who was a part of their circle. Families can turn on members as well.” Dracula has charm and persuasion but ultimately sucks the lifeblood out of others.

Courage Remedy: Diffusing this style means speaking truth to power. If this is your monster, then the power is YOU and you have the chance to deeply reflect (journal? therapist?) on how you can disrupt this pattern and courageously choose any way.

The Siren

Approaching and Internalizing

“Sirens represent the paralysis that can come with fear, or rumination, stuck in a loop of worry. Intensifying your own stories about the high standards you have for yourself or your teen and becoming overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility, obligation, or excellence that keeps you in a state of worry until there’s a crash (getting sick, failing a class, breaking up a relationship). This protection can become self destructive.

Courage Remedy: “We face the siren in ourselves or in our teen by raising our awareness of its presence and becoming intentional about stopping it.”

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

Avoiding and Externalizing

This defensive routine tends to be adopted by people with high standards for themselves and also, a high shame meter. “Dr. Jekyll, a respected doctor in London, cares deeply about his appearance as a noble person. This can happen as parents who want to be the best for their teen project an image of the perfect mother or father to others. They supress their darker emotions. As emotions are pushed back, they grow louder and more intense until they cannot be contained. That’s when Mr. Hyde shows up without warning. Mr. Hyde is unbridled with his expressions of anger and rage and can attack anyone in his path. He will do harm.

Courage Remedy: Diffusing this style means examinging and getting in touch with the emotions that you’ve shoved into your shadow side. It requires the courage and vulnerability to allow those messier, darker emotions to be felt and expressed in healthy ways when they occur not allowing them to seethe under the surface until they explode.

Alien

Avoiding and Externalizing

“The Alien’s defensive routine is to feel as if the world is out to get them. It’s the illusion ‘I am the other.’ The alien focuses on the negative aspects of any given situation and how it hurting or separating them from others. All teens can fall into a powerful wallowing state for a short while but this can become a trending form of defense. For parents, we can become jaded by mounting challenges and begin to erect walls to keep from getting hurt but also distance from others. If you frequently point fingers at outside sources for your pain, this may be your defense.

Courage Remedy: The way to break the habit of the alien is to open your heart to being more vulnerable with those you love and finding common ground even when there’s mess and complication. How can you take the perspective of the one you are tempted to blame? How can you find compassion for them? How are you more alike than different? How do you want to be treated and how can you turn that around on the other?

For more, get the new book and check out chapter eight, courage habit #3: Facing the Dark Side of a Teen’s Emerging Self and Our Own!

Want to help spread our #Humanaissance? Read the book and submit an honest review of the book on Amazon or Good Reads!

#humanaissance

I’m doing a lot of podcast interviews these days. This one was a particularly wonderful one. So if you only have time for one, give this a listen! Colleen O’Grady is a bestselling author of parenting teens books herself. She’s been a licensed family and marriage therapist for over twenty-five years. And it shows in her interviewing style! She brings a sophisticated lens to these important conversations.

In this episode, we talk about the presence of fear in our parenting and what we can do with it; the role of courage and how it can change things for us and our teens; technology; and so much more!

Give a listen:

On Spotify: Episode #395: Are You Parenting from Fear?

Apple Podcasts: Are You Parenting from Fear?

iHeart Podcasts: Are You Parenting from Fear?

Thank you to Art, host of The Bookshelf Odyssey, who was eager to discuss a range of books and also, how we discover courage in raising teenagers in our digital age. It was an exciting adventure!

Podcast: https://bookshelfodyssey.buzzsprout.com/1819188/episodes/19984961-navigating-the-digital-world-without-losing-our-humanity-author-jennifer-s-miller

In the new book “Humanaissance,” each of the chapters focused on the eight courage habits includes reflection questions and suggested practices for prioritizing human dignity in technology — for ourselves and our teens.

The day is finally here. This morning I woke up to my husband reading the final words of the last chapter. Seeing him visibly moved was the best start to release day I can imagine. This book is a result of extensive collaboration with a team of inspired and experienced professionals. I am so grateful to my family and to Tina Wainscott of The Seymour Agency, my literary agent, Darcie Abbene, my expert editor from HCI Books, and Larissa Henoch, for the book format and design. There are more partners to thank below. But first, here are some initial early reviews of “Humanaissance; Igniting Courage in Our Teens and Ourselves:”

“This book deeply resonates with me as the mama of a 20, 15 and days from 13 year old. Very truthfully, I wish I had this book about seven years ago as my oldest was entering his teen years!

Through this book alone, I learned ways to encourage my boys to take risks, to manage technology, to ensure my anxiety doesn’t impact my kids, to do the shadow work necessary to help us grow as we parent, and to find ways to connect with instead of simply correct my teens.

I appreciated the research behind the perspectives presented and especially liked all of the stories of parents and teens throughout the book which really helped me picture what I was reading and how to put it in practice. But, I also appreciated that Jennifer deeply understands and acknowledges the feelings of parents of teens, particularly for sense of loss that can come with watching our children grow up.

Each chapter starts with a human illustration from Jennifer and ends with a few “Your Turn” prompts which I used to help me apply what I read to my own parenthood experiences. I highly recommend this book for moms of tweens and teens across America!”

– Jamie Sterling, Founder, Sterling Book Club, Pittsburgh, PA

“Humanaissance is a wise and deeply human guide to raising teenagers with courage, connection, and emotional intelligence. Jennifer Miller reminds us that our job is not to eliminate young people’s difficult experiences, but to help them understand them, act on them wisely, and become more fully themselves.”

—Marc Brackett, PhD, Founding Director, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and best-selling author of Permission to Feel and Dealing with Feeling

“Jennifer Miller has written the book that parents of teens need in this very moment of humanity. Humanaissance names what so many of us feel, but struggle to put into words. Our teens are growing up in a world reshaped by AI, and we may feel at a loss with how to deal with the fast-changing world. Jennifer’s book helps us remember that our teens’ real advantage is everything that makes each of them human. What I loved is that each chapter is grounded in adolescent brain science. It then turns that research into habits that any family can practice. The eight courage habits show us the clear language we need for the hard conversations. What moved me most is her honesty about raising teens while caring for aging parents, something many of us are facing now. This book leans in with warmth, evidence, and lots of hope. A must-read for every parent from a long-time expert in the field!”
— Helen Maffini, PhD, International Educator, Author and Founder of MindBE Education

“Humanaissance has a lot of heart. It’s an engaging, encouraging blend of practical advice, research, and storytelling. Miller’s openness about her own parenting experiences adds warmth and authenticity. The guidance feels both credible and deeply relatable. It’s the kind of book that invites reflection while offering ideas you can immediately put into practice.
—Richard Weissbourd, Senior Lecturer, Harvard Graduate School of Education and Director of Making Care Common

“Many parenting books either hand you a script or forget that you’re changing too, not only your teen. Jennifer Miller does neither. She takes your life transitions as seriously as your child’s and turns courage into habits you can build in yourself and your teen at the same time. If you have ever felt scared or worried parenting a teenager, this book is for you.”
—Lorea Martínez, PhD, Award-winning Founder and Author of Living with the HEART in Mind and Teaching with the HEART in Mind

“Wise and grounded counsel for anyone raising teens. Uniquely, this book addresses the development of both child and parent, integrating the inner and outer dimensions of that growth throughout. The practical guidance offered rests on a rich well of research and inspiration: classic theories in psychology, psychiatry, sociology, and philosophy, as well as poetry and literature form the foundation for the principles and (eminently actionable) practices shared. I’m especially moved by the emphasis on ‘heart courage’, the practice of listening to that quieter voice within, as well as Miller’s dedication to helping teens discover—and parents re-discover—who they are and the unique contribution they have to offer the world. The introduction of collective thinking and action is a distinct and vital innovation in the world of parenting literature.”
—Eva Pomeroy, Senior Faculty, Presencing Institute, Massachusetts Institute of Technology

As someone who has spent my career studying adolescent development —and as the mother of two now-grown sons—I have searched for a resource I could wholeheartedly recommend. Humanaissance is that book. Jennifer Miller beautifully captures what decades of developmental science have taught us: adolescence is not simply a stage to survive, but a remarkable period of possibility and growth, and parents play a critical role in helping their children uncover their unique strengths, gifts, and humanity. Blending the latest science with wisdom, compassion, and practical guidance, Jennifer Miller empowers parents to embrace adolescence as an extraordinary opportunity to nurture their teenager’s well-being, confidence, character, and sense of purpose while cultivating the courage to grow alongside them. I only wish this book had been available when I was raising my own sons. Every parent of a teenager should read this remarkable book. It has the power to transform not only how we understand adolescence, but also how we partner with young people as they grow into confident, compassionate, purposeful, and flourishing adults.

–Kimberly A. Schonert-Reichl, PhD., NoVo Foundation Endowed Chair and Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Illinois Chicago, Editor-in-Chief, Social and Emotional Learning: Research, Practice, and Policy.

“Jennifer is a wise soul. In Humanaissance, she combines stories, art, research, empathy, self-awareness, and decades of experience to help parents like us navigate the hardest parts of raising young humans. When you feel like you’ve lost your way, read this book.”
—Cecilia and Jason Hilkey, Founders of Happily Family, Authors of the #1 International Bestseller, Raising Teens Who Talk to You

“Every chapter in this book communicates life-enhancing insights for parents with regard to their children and themselves. Overall, you will learn to embrace the courage needed by yourselves and your teens to face and master the challenges of life today with resilient determination and compassion.”
—Maurice J. Elias, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Rutgers University, Co-author of The Joys and Oys of Parenting and Emotionally Intelligent Parenting

“Rarely does a parenting book offer both an inspiring vision and such practical guidance. This thoughtful and timely work invites parents to unlock the untapped gifts in their children—and in themselves—while cultivating the courage, wisdom, and resilience needed to flourish in today’s world. Blending profound insights, practical strategies, and meaningful reflection questions, Miller offers a deeply hopeful roadmap for helping young people thrive, strengthening families, and creating lives of greater joy, purpose, and possibility. This is a book you’ll return to again and again.”
—Ari Gerzon-Kessler, Author of On the Same Team: Bringing Educators and Underrepresented Families Together, gold medal winner for Best Education Book of 2024

“As a parent whose son will soon be entering the teenage years, I feel profoundly grateful to have discovered this book now. Jennifer Miller has become a wise guide on my parenting journey, the kind of elder sister every parent hopes to have walk alongside them. Reading these pages, I felt deeply seen. Her reflections on parenting teens while navigating midlife are honest, relatable, and deeply human. I finished this book wanting to buy a copy for every parent I know—those actively parenting teens and folks like me with younger children who secretly fear the teen years. It is wise, beautifully written, deeply practical, and the companion I will carry with me into my son’s teenage years. This is a remarkable gift to parents, to our children, and ultimately to the world. I now believe with my whole heart Courageous Parenting is how we truly transform the world!”
—Meena Srinivasan, Parent, Buddhist teacher, Author of SEL Every Day and Teach, Breathe, Learn, Founding Executive Director of Transformative Educational Leadership (TEL), Co-founder and Board Emeritus, Thich Nhat Hanh School of Interbeing

“In this world built on algorithms, it takes courage to put down the phone and look up, especially as a teen. Taking a break from technology helps us make actual human connection. This is not an easy thing to do, for the teen or the parent, but is desperately needed to give humanity a boost. This book helps teens to understand that taking a tech break is essential for mental health and helps parents understand that modeling the behavior you want from your teen is a must. Jennifer Miller was a mentor to me on my mindfulness journey and is an author that can help you learn to connect with courage.”
—Adam Avin, Sports Anchor, WMAZ-TV and Author of Mindfulness for Teenagers

* Extra special thanks to all of the earlier reviewers who offered endorsements including: Rick Weissbourd, Meena Srinivasan, Adam Avin, Helen Maffini, Eva Pomeroy, Cecilia and Jason Hilkey, Lorea Martinez, Ari Gerzon-Kessler, Kimberly Schonert-Reichl, and Maurice Elias.

Pre-Order Here!

Pre-Order Here!

Pre-Order Here!

Thank you HCI Books! Thank you to Jason Miller, Megan Bacher, Jamie Sterling, Amelia Menk Brown, Emlah Tubuo, Nikkya Hargrove, Rishi Raghunathan, Bridget and Al Ramirez, Maurice Elias, Pamela McVeagh-Lally, Mike Todasco, MIT Presencing Institute, Clintonville Books, and Obodo Serendipity Books.

Jennifer Miller was delighted to be a guest on the podcast Intentional Living with Emlah. Dr. Emlah Tubuo is an integrative pharmacist, TEDx Speaker, entrepreneur, and intentional living advocate. She is a change-maker extraordinaire. She has been instrumental in so many peoples’ lives and their ability to nurture to transform their bodies, minds, and spirits to contribute to their own health and well-being in their busy lives. They talked about how to parent teenagers in the age of AI and Jennifer shared insights from her brand new book out next Tuesday, October 20th (5 days and counting!). Pre-order now! Humanaissance; Igniting Courage in Our Teens and Ourselves Join us for this important conversation!

Check out this clip!

And then, listen to the full podcast…Intentional Living with Emlah

In a world full of AI and technology, it’s easy to see life is completely different for today’s kids and teens. Navigating the online world is not the same as navigating real life. Founder of Confident Parents, Confident Kids and Author of “Humanaissance: Igniting Courage In our Teens and Ourselves” Jennifer Miller sits down with Amber Freeman, host of Bloom, to discuss what teens need most, and to stay connected to them in this digital world. Thanks Bloom Tampa Bay!

Check out their discussion here!

By Guest Author Julie Braumberger

When I was teaching third grade, I never imagined I would someday have to think about whether a student had written an assignment, or whether a computer had written it for them.

Today, artificial intelligence can answer questions, summarize information, generate stories, solve problems, and help children brainstorm in seconds. Our children are growing up with access to tools that would have seemed impossible when many of us were their age.

As both an educator and the mother of college-age daughters, I don’t think the answer is to pretend AI isn’t here. It is here and it is not going away. The bigger question is: What do our children need from us because it is here?

I keep coming back to the human skills that our children will always need: empathy, judgment, critical thinking, relationship-building, and the ability to consider how our choices affect other people.

When the Answer Is Always Available…

For parents and educators, one of the challenges of AI is that it can make getting an answer incredibly easy. But learning isn’t only about getting the answer.

The American Psychological Association (2026) reported that educational technology can sometimes help students get the right answer or finish a task more quickly without necessarily helping them truly learn the material. A better sign of learning is when students can use what they know on their own, without relying on the technology.

Think about two third graders arguing because one grabbed a marker from the other. I could solve that problem in ten seconds: Give the marker back. Problem solved. Or is it?

A more valuable approach takes longer. What happened? How were you feeling? How do you think your classmate felt? What could you do differently next time?

Those questions require children to pause, listen, consider another person’s perspective, and decide what to do next. AI can generate an answer to a problem. Our children still need opportunities to think through problems themselves. That means we shouldn’t be too quick to remove every struggle, at school or at home. We should give the encouragement and space to do the important thinking work before making a choice.

Schools Play an Important Role

As AI becomes more common in education, schools will understandably need policies about when and how students should use it. But the conversation must go beyond whether AI is allowed or not on an assignment. We should also be asking: What thinking do we still need children to do for themselves? When will we give them that space and support for that thinking to occur?

Parents Play an Important Role

Parents should be asking: How is AI being used in my child’s classroom? When are children expected to complete work without it? How are students learning to check AI-generated information for validity and also, who benefits from the information and what or where the original source of information might come from? In addition to digitally-influenced work, are children still getting opportunities to write, create, discuss, solve problems, and make mistakes independently?

UNESCO’s  (2023) recommends that schools use AI in ways that are appropriate for a child’s age and that support their learning and development, rather than simply using new technology because it is available. Children need opportunities to wonder, make mistakes, disagree respectfully, create something without knowing exactly how it will turn out, listen to another person’s ideas, and change their minds when they learn something new.

They also need to learn to question information. Who created this? Is it accurate? What might be missing? Can I verify it somewhere else? Does this sound right? Those skills matter whether the information comes from AI, social media, a website, or another person.

What Parents Can Do Now

We don’t have to wait until children are old enough to use AI independently to prepare them for an AI-driven world. When a six-year-old pauses instead of grabbing a toy, that’s a practice in judgment. When a child notices that a friend looks sad and asks if they’re okay, that’s empathy. When children work through a disagreement instead of immediately asking an adult to fix it, they’re building relationship skills. When they ask, “How do you know that’s true?” they’re beginning to think critically. 

These ordinary childhood moments matter. Before solving a problem, ask your child, “What do you think you could do?” When you encounter information together, ask, “How could we find out if that’s true?” When something is difficult, give your child enough time to struggle, try, make a mistake and try again before stepping in.

And Parents Have to Practice, Too

My daughters are in college now and living away from home, and so many of our conversations happen through text. Texting creates its own challenges. A short answer can sound angry when someone is simply rushing to class. No answer can feel personal when someone is just busy. And then there’s the famous: “I’m fine.” AI could probably generate a perfectly worded response. But it doesn’t know my daughter the way I do. It can’t hear the hesitation in her voice or understand the history behind a particular situation. Sometimes I text back. Sometimes I call. And sometimes I ask, “Do you want help thinking this through, or do you just need me to listen?”

That requires something technology cannot give me (or her). Technology can’t determine the tone of voice or her personality. It also reminds me that parents have some practicing to do ourselves. Can I pause? Can I listen instead of fixing? Can I trust my daughter to work through something? Can I recognize when she actually does need my help?

Raising Humans Who Will Use Technology Wisely

Our children will probably use AI in ways we can’t yet imagine.

Trying to prepare them for every new tool is impossible. Preparing them to be thoughtful human beings isn’t. We can raise children who know how to pause, question, listen, empathize, reconsider, create, and make thoughtful choices.

AI will continue to change the tools our children use.

Our opportunity is to invest ourselves in developing the human beings who will use them wisely.

Resources:

1. UNESCO’s  (2023) Guidance for generative AI in education and research.
2. American Psychological Association (2026) Children’s and adolescents’ learning with educational technology.

Julie Braumberger is the Director of Education at Mind Body Align and is the co-author of the Labyrinth Adventures, 32-book series for children and curriculum. She earned a bachelor’s degree in elementary education from Notre Dame College and is a certified K-8 school teacher. When she is not at work, Julie spends time at home in Ohio with her family, including her husband, a fellow teacher, and her two college-age children.