I’m doing a lot of podcast interviews these days. This one was a particularly wonderful one. So if you only have time for one, give this a listen! Colleen O’Grady is a bestselling author of parenting teens books herself. She’s been a licensed family and marriage therapist for over twenty-five years. And it shows in her interviewing style! She brings a sophisticated lens to these important conversations.
In this episode, we talk about the presence of fear in our parenting and what we can do with it; the role of courage and how it can change things for us and our teens; technology; and so much more!
Thank you to Art, host of The Bookshelf Odyssey, who was eager to discuss a range of books and also, how we discover courage in raising teenagers in our digital age. It was an exciting adventure!
In the new book “Humanaissance,” each of the chapters focused on the eight courage habits includes reflection questions and suggested practices for prioritizing human dignity in technology — for ourselves and our teens.
The day is finally here. This morning I woke up to my husband reading the final words of the last chapter. Seeing him visibly moved was the best start to release day I can imagine. This book is a result of extensive collaboration with a team of inspired and experienced professionals. I am so grateful to my family and to Tina Wainscott of The Seymour Agency, my literary agent, Darcie Abbene, my expert editor from HCI Books, and Larissa Henoch, for the book format and design. There are more partners to thank below. But first, here are some initial early reviews of “Humanaissance; Igniting Courage in Our Teens and Ourselves:”
“This book deeply resonates with me as the mama of a 20, 15 and days from 13 year old. Very truthfully, I wish I had this book about seven years ago as my oldest was entering his teen years!
Through this book alone, I learned ways to encourage my boys to take risks, to manage technology, to ensure my anxiety doesn’t impact my kids, to do the shadow work necessary to help us grow as we parent, and to find ways to connect with instead of simply correct my teens.
I appreciated the research behind the perspectives presented and especially liked all of the stories of parents and teens throughout the book which really helped me picture what I was reading and how to put it in practice. But, I also appreciated that Jennifer deeply understands and acknowledges the feelings of parents of teens, particularly for sense of loss that can come with watching our children grow up.
Each chapter starts with a human illustration from Jennifer and ends with a few “Your Turn” prompts which I used to help me apply what I read to my own parenthood experiences. I highly recommend this book for moms of tweens and teens across America!”
– Jamie Sterling, Founder, Sterling Book Club, Pittsburgh, PA
“Humanaissance is a wise and deeply human guide to raising teenagers with courage, connection, and emotional intelligence. Jennifer Miller reminds us that our job is not to eliminate young people’s difficult experiences, but to help them understand them, act on them wisely, and become more fully themselves.”
—Marc Brackett, PhD, Founding Director, YaleCenterfor Emotional Intelligence, and best-selling author ofPermission to FeelandDealing with Feeling
“Jennifer Miller has written the book that parents of teens need in this very moment of humanity. Humanaissance names what so many of us feel, but struggle to put into words. Our teens are growing up in a world reshaped by AI, and we may feel at a loss with how to deal with the fast-changing world. Jennifer’s book helps us remember that our teens’ real advantage is everything that makes each of them human. What I loved is that each chapter is grounded in adolescent brain science. It then turns that research into habits that any family can practice. The eight courage habits show us the clear language we need for the hard conversations. What moved me most is her honesty about raising teens while caring for aging parents, something many of us are facing now. This book leans in with warmth, evidence, and lots of hope. A must-read for every parent from a long-time expert in the field!” —Helen Maffini,PhD, International Educator, Author and Founder of MindBE Education
“Humanaissance has a lot of heart. It’s an engaging, encouraging blend of practical advice, research, and storytelling. Miller’s openness about her own parenting experiences adds warmth and authenticity. The guidance feels both credible and deeply relatable. It’s the kind of book that invites reflection while offering ideas you can immediately put into practice. —Richard Weissbourd, Senior Lecturer, Harvard Graduate School of Education and Director of Making Care Common
“Many parenting books either hand you a script or forget that you’re changing too, not only your teen. Jennifer Miller does neither. She takes your life transitions as seriously as your child’s and turns courage into habits you can build in yourself and your teen at the same time. If you have ever felt scared or worried parenting a teenager, this book is for you.” —Lorea Martínez, PhD,Award-winning Founder and Author of Living with the HEART in Mind and Teaching with the HEART in Mind
“Wise and grounded counsel for anyone raising teens. Uniquely, this book addresses the development of both child and parent, integrating the inner and outer dimensions of that growth throughout. The practical guidance offered rests on a rich well of research and inspiration: classic theories in psychology, psychiatry, sociology, and philosophy, as well as poetry and literature form the foundation for the principles and (eminently actionable) practices shared. I’m especially moved by the emphasis on ‘heart courage’, the practice of listening to that quieter voice within, as well as Miller’s dedication to helping teens discover—and parents re-discover—who they are and the unique contribution they have to offer the world. The introduction of collective thinking and action is a distinct and vital innovation in the world of parenting literature.” —Eva Pomeroy,Senior Faculty, Presencing Institute, Massachusetts Institute of Technology
As someone who has spent my career studying adolescent development —and as the mother of two now-grown sons—I have searched for a resource I could wholeheartedly recommend. Humanaissance is that book. Jennifer Miller beautifully captures what decades of developmental science have taught us: adolescence is not simply a stage to survive, but a remarkable period of possibility and growth, and parents play a critical role in helping their children uncover their unique strengths, gifts, and humanity. Blending the latest science with wisdom, compassion, and practical guidance, Jennifer Miller empowers parents to embrace adolescence as an extraordinary opportunity to nurture their teenager’s well-being, confidence, character, and sense of purpose while cultivating the courage to grow alongside them. I only wish this book had been available when I was raising my own sons. Every parent of a teenager should read this remarkable book. It has the power to transform not only how we understand adolescence, but also how we partner with young people as they grow into confident, compassionate, purposeful, and flourishing adults.
–Kimberly A. Schonert-Reichl, PhD., NoVo Foundation Endowed Chair and Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Illinois Chicago, Editor-in-Chief, Social and Emotional Learning: Research, Practice, and Policy.
“Jennifer is a wise soul. In Humanaissance, she combines stories, art, research, empathy, self-awareness, and decades of experience to help parents like us navigate the hardest parts of raising young humans. When you feel like you’ve lost your way, read this book.” —Cecilia and Jason Hilkey,Founders of Happily Family, Authors of the #1 International Bestseller, Raising Teens Who Talk to You
“Every chapter in this book communicates life-enhancing insights for parents with regard to their children and themselves. Overall, you will learn to embrace the courage needed by yourselves and your teens to face and master the challenges of life today with resilient determination and compassion.” —Maurice J. Elias, PhD,Professor of Psychology, Rutgers University, Co-author of The Joys and Oys of Parenting and Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
“Rarely does a parenting book offer both an inspiring vision and such practical guidance. This thoughtful and timely work invites parents to unlock the untapped gifts in their children—and in themselves—while cultivating the courage, wisdom, and resilience needed to flourish in today’s world. Blending profound insights, practical strategies, and meaningful reflection questions, Miller offers a deeply hopeful roadmap for helping young people thrive, strengthening families, and creating lives of greater joy, purpose, and possibility. This is a book you’ll return to again and again.” —Ari Gerzon-Kessler,Author of On the Same Team: Bringing Educators and Underrepresented Families Together, gold medal winner for Best Education Book of 2024
“As a parent whose son will soon be entering the teenage years, I feel profoundly grateful to have discovered this book now. Jennifer Miller has become a wise guide on my parenting journey, the kind of elder sister every parent hopes to have walk alongside them. Reading these pages, I felt deeply seen. Her reflections on parenting teens while navigating midlife are honest, relatable, and deeply human. I finished this book wanting to buy a copy for every parent I know—those actively parenting teens and folks like me with younger children who secretly fear the teen years. It is wise, beautifully written, deeply practical, and the companion I will carry with me into my son’s teenage years. This is a remarkable gift to parents, to our children, and ultimately to the world. I now believe with my whole heart Courageous Parenting is how we truly transform the world!” —Meena Srinivasan,Parent, Buddhist teacher, Author of SEL Every Day and Teach, Breathe, Learn, Founding Executive Director of Transformative Educational Leadership (TEL), Co-founder and Board Emeritus, Thich Nhat Hanh School of Interbeing
“In this world built on algorithms, it takes courage to put down the phone and look up, especially as a teen. Taking a break from technology helps us make actual human connection. This is not an easy thing to do, for the teen or the parent, but is desperately needed to give humanity a boost. This book helps teens to understand that taking a tech break is essential for mental health and helps parents understand that modeling the behavior you want from your teen is a must. Jennifer Miller was a mentor to me on my mindfulness journey and is an author that can help you learn to connect with courage.” —Adam Avin,Sports Anchor, WMAZ-TV and Author of Mindfulness for Teenagers
* Extra special thanks to all of the earlier reviewers who offered endorsements including: Rick Weissbourd, Meena Srinivasan, Adam Avin, Helen Maffini, Eva Pomeroy, Cecilia and Jason Hilkey, Lorea Martinez, Ari Gerzon-Kessler, Kimberly Schonert-Reichl, and Maurice Elias.
Thank you HCI Books! Thank you to Jason Miller, Megan Bacher, Jamie Sterling, Amelia Menk Brown, Emlah Tubuo, Nikkya Hargrove, Rishi Raghunathan, Bridget and Al Ramirez, Maurice Elias, Pamela McVeagh-Lally, Mike Todasco, MIT Presencing Institute, Clintonville Books, and Obodo Serendipity Books.
Jennifer Miller was delighted to be a guest on the podcast Intentional Living with Emlah. Dr. Emlah Tubuo is an integrative pharmacist, TEDx Speaker, entrepreneur, and intentional living advocate. She is a change-maker extraordinaire. She has been instrumental in so many peoples’ lives and their ability to nurture to transform their bodies, minds, and spirits to contribute to their own health and well-being in their busy lives. They talked about how to parent teenagers in the age of AI and Jennifer shared insights from her brand new book out next Tuesday, October 20th (5 days and counting!). Pre-order now! Humanaissance; Igniting Courage in Our Teens and Ourselves Join us for this important conversation!
Check out this clip!
And then, listen to the full podcast…Intentional Living with Emlah
The other night, my three-year-old cried, screamed, and thrashed her body for 45 torturous minutes before falling asleep in my arms. The underwear she asked me to pick for her was definitely not the right choice and disappointment and dysregulation ensued. There was nothing I could do to stop this freight train, so I accepted my fate. I held her contorting body and distraught nervous system, closed my eyes, and took a lot of audible deep breaths. Had I already spent all day riding her emotional rollercoaster? Yes. Did I have the wherewithal in my tank to stay calm during the toddler meltdown marathon? Questionable. For those 45 minutes, that felt, in my body, like 4 hours, I clung to one of my favorite parenting mantras: “the only way out is through.” And we all did get through; she passed out and I took some time to regulate my jacked-up nervous system. This herculean parenting moment (yes, I’m giving myself a pat on the back) is one of many small acts that make up the invisible emotional load we carry to support our children each day.
The emotional labor of parenthood, I think, is what people are referring to when they generically say “parenting is hard,” or “raising kids is the hardest and best thing.” It’s something that people say that you won’t fully understand until you’re actively doing it, in the trenches yourself, but I also think there are aspects of this labor that we can name and validate. Let’s dive into this hard – what it might look like, and some possible strategies to support our parental mental health.
What is emotional labor and why does it feel so hard sometimes?
Intellectually, I know that our job as parents isn’t to fix, overly shield, or sugarcoat, but rather to be the large, spacious container our children can safely bounce around in. The container is structured enough so that it holds them with love and support, but roomy enough to provide enough space for their confidence in themselves to grow. I’m a visual learner, and I often visualize an oversized, translucent container (me) with two bouncy balls pinging around (my daughters). The “bounces” might include their developing emotional regulation skills, their self-discovery and identity shaping, or their learning and meaning-making of their experience in the world, just to name a few.
One of my parenting truths is that to hold our kids and their bounces – the chaos, the big feelings, the hurt, and the larger-than-life joys – leaves small chips in the safe container. It takes a toll on us as caregivers and is an incredible lift of emotional bandwidth. I mostly hold this truth because of the many times where I didn’t feel like I had the emotional bandwidth to be the calm to my kids’ chaos. I’m both confident that being my daughters’ safe container is me parenting with my highest values, and also my lived reality is that it’s exhausting and sometimes leaves me resentful and emotionally dysregulated. It has been the hardest and most beautiful true labor of love. This is the unspoken emotional labor of today’s parenting.
Emotional labor is defined as “the effort it takes to manage your own emotions while considering the feelings of others at the same time.”1
In the parenting context, we can go back to my image of the safe container and the bouncy balls, our visual for parenting with both boundaries and attunement to our kids. If you are on any form of social media these days, I’m sure you’ve come across the gentle parenting craze. The Internet has taken gentle parenting by storm. Some people love it, others hate it. I’ve also seen different iterations: respectful parenting, attached parenting, or attuned parenting. Attuned parenting is what resonates most for our family and our parenting values. Attuned parenting is “your ability as a parent to tune in to your child’s emotional and internal world. It’s more than just paying attention. It’s the “felt sense” your child gets that you are with them. They are seen, known, and loved, and their experience matters to you.”2 Attuned parenting falls under the umbrella of authoritative parenting style: warmth and empathy with clear, loving boundaries.
Now let’s think about the accrued emotional labor of attuned parenting, leading with empathy as our young people figure out themselves and their world. It’s this lift coupled with our own personal growth work: healing our inner-children and growing emotional intelligence skills as an adult. That’s modern parenting, baby. And, baby, it feels hard sometimes.
In the parenting space, there are so many amazing conversations about the mental load, and how to share in partnerships or families to prevent parental burnout. Often the emotional load is included as a part of the mental load, but I also think that it’s distinct from the logistics of grocery lists and carpools to soccer practice. The invisible weight of the emotional load is subjective to each caregiver, but there are many components and experiences of it we can all relate to. I’m a strong believer that it’s important to make the invisible visible, so I can share from my experience what the weight of carrying this emotional load of parenting might look like:
Physical depletion – This one’s simple for me: there is never enough coffee in the world. Kidding, not kidding. This might look like you wake up already exhausted for the day, or are like me and meticulously plan my caffeine doses from wake up until bedtime.
Resentment – As the primary caregiver, sometimes I resent my husband just because he has a physical door between him and our children during the work day. And it’s not that I’m a maternal slog over here with a deadbeat husband – he’s an incredible partner and equal parent. No, it’s envy. Brene Brown says that envy and resentment are closely related, and I see this in action every day when we wave goodbye to Daddy as he starts his work day. The envy that manifests into resentment is mostly about the autonomy and control of his energetic boundaries that I perceive he has during the work day. Is this the complete truth? Definitely not. But it’s a story that plays for me when my tank is low and I feel surrounded by chaos and a lack of autonomy.
Compassion fatigue – The other day I stood frozen staring at my oldest for far too long when she had skinned her knee. And my knee-jerk reaction? Ugh, another fire to put out. Another long hug while she whole-body cries? My baby was literally bleeding and I was annoyed rather than compassionate and nurturing. This is a huge red flag for me, when the simple moments feel like the cherry on top of an already too-heavy emotional load. It’s a glaring clue that I need support in carrying or putting down said load.
Emotional dysregulation – A few weeks ago, I felt my internal pressure cooker filling in the middle of an afterschool meltdown in the car. The noises felt so loud, the complaining like nails on a chalkboard, and my body felt like it was on fire. It was in this moment, I brainstormed a title for a children’s book: Dysregulation Is Like Wildfire. I could feel my kids’ dysregulation and my dysregulation morph into one blob of hot red flames, and I couldn’t rationally outline where theirs ended and mine began. I felt the moment like a lightswitch where her fire caught me on fire and in the end we were all burning. When our brains are flooded it can feel impossible to reach for whatever emotional regulation skills. My primal lizard brain usually just internally screams, “I JUST WANT IT TO STOP!” That anger and resentment? That’s your depletion talking, and a cue of unmet needs.
Whatever degree you can relate to these symptoms of the persistent emotional labor of attuned parenting, I think there’s power in bringing it into the light. When my negative self-talk is flailing, I can sometimes convince myself that my experience is unique because I’m not parenting, self-caring, nurturing my marriage, baking the most delicious sugar-free dessert for the bake sale (you catch my drift) “right.” The list can go on. But our strength lies in validating our experience and validating others’ experiences. This “I’ve been there too, and I see you” communal feeling is what helps us persist and persevere. Dr. Becky hits the nail on the head when she writes, “This feels hard because it is hard, not because I’m doing something wrong.”3
How can I take care of myself so I can attune to my kids?
To attune to our children and attune to our needs, there doesn’t feel like enough hours in the day. The math isn’t mathing. Our plates are too full, and over-filled plates leave our emotional capacity noticeably lower. And don’t forget the emotional energy needed to grapple with my ever-evolving identity, to tend to my marriage and friendships, and do I have time or energy for hobbies?! I sometimes joke that taking care of two kids and myself halfway feels like more than a full-time job. So how do we sustain? What builds our emotional capacity so we’re better able to attune to our needs and our children’s?
If you’re still here, great. We’ve validated common parenting experiences, investigated the what and why of emotional labor, and I’ve left you in a doom-and-gloom mental state about modern parenting. But don’t worry, things are looking up! Now it’s time to get into what offsets the hard, to discuss what nurtures us as caretakers so we can best show up as the parents we want to be. While, sadly, I don’t have the magic answer to large systemic and cultural gaps in the supports for caretakers and families, I do have a few strategies that help me, and make the hard feel a smidge easier. They are certainly not a one-size-fits-all model, but hopefully some nuggets can help you in some way.
Hold a mantra that brings you back to your values or your “why.” Mine is: It starts with me. Steal it if it resonates with you too. This one helps ground me in the truth that I cannot attune to my girls if I haven’t met some of my needs first. You heard me, first. This mantra helps me think of myself as the sturdy foundation for my children, and understand that my support floor beams of my adult self care are truly what help the house stand strong. Remembering this helps me challenge “guilt” and reframe any thoughts that deem prioritizing my needs as selfish, but rather as vital to our family ecosystem.
Identify what needs are your non-negotiable needs for the day. I heard a great framework about self-care, about taking “small sips” through the day rather than burning out and then needing a full-on spa weekend to recover. This has helped me see how to sprinkle smaller, manageable acts of nourishment into my day and identify which needs are most impactful to my mental health. For me, my most important need is moving my body – a short walk in the fall leaves, a sweaty workout at the gym, I’m not picky as long as I’m moving. Our house could be on fire, and I’m still going for my walk. It clears my head, allows me space to empty my stimulation bucket, and I’m noticeably more regulated when I’m done.
To pull back the curtain on my inner landscape and be transparent about my humanity – what I’m aspiring for and what skills I’m still developing – has been a game changer.
Name what skills you’re working on too. To pull back the curtain on my inner landscape and be transparent about my humanity – what I’m aspiring for and what skills I’m still developing – has been a game changer. This shift has helped me take so much pressure off myself to get it right all the time (or else I’m failing my kids, my negative self-talk says). When I’m clearer on my own blind spots, it helps me be a little more intentional when I’m presented with tricky parenting moments. Also, talking about these skills has been a connector for me and my kids, we can relate to each other about how sometimes humaning is hard and we don’t get it right a lot of the time.
Self-compassion, self-compassion, self-compassion. This one both feels entirely self-explanatory and also incredibly nuanced and layered. For example, I know that self-compassion is an important component of my life, but I’m also the first to judge myself harshly. It’s a muscle that we keep building, and the sustainability of parenting in my values has pushed me to push my rep count and increase my weights. Becoming a parent, and wanting my own children to live with an abundance of self-compassion, I see the need for me to be more aware of self-criticism when I’m being way too hard on myself and try my self-talk again with much gentler approach and language. Speak to yourself like you would speak to a friend – easier said than done but each day is getting a little easier.
This fall, let’s all take the seasonal cue to slow down, be a little gentler with ourselves, and feel truly proud of the way we parent and show up for our kids. My hope is that you’re leaving with a splash of validation and an enormous amount of self-compassion. You’re doing a great job! This feels hard because it is hard.3
Annie Schien, M.Ed, is an educator, trainer and coach for the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, partner at SEL Consulting Collaborative, and founder of grow yourSELf Consulting. Annie shifted from a classroom practitioner after a decade of teaching to supporting educators and leaders in implementing systemic SEL with a focus in educator well-being. Annie has a Masters of Education in Educational Psychology from the University of Missouri, and completed a two-year Teacher Leadership certificate program through the University of California, Davis. Annie lives in Sonoma County with her husband and their daughters, Hazel and Quinn, who drive her work to integrate SEL into the home ecosystem.
In a world full of AI and technology, it’s easy to see life is completely different for today’s kids and teens. Navigating the online world is not the same as navigating real life. Founder of Confident Parents, Confident Kids and Author of “Humanaissance: Igniting Courage In our Teens and Ourselves” Jennifer Miller sits down with Amber Freeman, host of Bloom, to discuss what teens need most, and to stay connected to them in this digital world. Thanks Bloom Tampa Bay!
When I was teaching third grade, I never imagined I would someday have to think about whether a student had written an assignment, or whether a computer had written it for them.
Today, artificial intelligence can answer questions, summarize information, generate stories, solve problems, and help children brainstorm in seconds. Our children are growing up with access to tools that would have seemed impossible when many of us were their age.
As both an educator and the mother of college-age daughters, I don’t think the answer is to pretend AI isn’t here. It is here and it is not going away. The bigger question is: What do our children need from us because it is here?
I keep coming back to the human skills that our children will always need: empathy, judgment, critical thinking, relationship-building, and the ability to consider how our choices affect other people.
When the Answer Is Always Available…
For parents and educators, one of the challenges of AI is that it can make getting an answer incredibly easy. But learning isn’t only about getting the answer.
The American Psychological Association (2026) reported that educational technology can sometimes help students get the right answer or finish a task more quickly without necessarily helping them truly learn the material. A better sign of learning is when students can use what they know on their own, without relying on the technology.
Think about two third graders arguing because one grabbed a marker from the other. I could solve that problem in ten seconds: Give the marker back. Problem solved. Or is it?
A more valuable approach takes longer. What happened? How were you feeling? How do you think your classmate felt? What could you do differently next time?
Those questions require children to pause, listen, consider another person’s perspective, and decide what to do next. AI can generate an answer to a problem. Our children still need opportunities to think through problems themselves. That means we shouldn’t be too quick to remove every struggle, at school or at home. We should give the encouragement and space to do the important thinking work before making a choice.
Schools Play an Important Role
As AI becomes more common in education, schools will understandably need policies about when and how students should use it. But the conversation must go beyond whether AI is allowed or not on an assignment. We should also be asking: What thinking do we still need children to do for themselves?When will we give them that space and support for that thinking to occur?
Parents Play an Important Role
Parents should be asking: How is AI being used in my child’s classroom? When are children expected to complete work without it? How are students learning to check AI-generated information for validity and also, who benefits from the information and what or where the original source of information might come from? In addition to digitally-influenced work, are children still getting opportunities to write, create, discuss, solve problems, and make mistakes independently?
UNESCO’s (2023) recommends that schools use AI in ways that are appropriate for a child’s age and that support their learning and development, rather than simply using new technology because it is available. Children need opportunities to wonder, make mistakes, disagree respectfully, create something without knowing exactly how it will turn out, listen to another person’s ideas, and change their minds when they learn something new.
They also need to learn to question information. Who created this? Is it accurate? What might be missing? Can I verify it somewhere else? Does this sound right? Those skills matter whether the information comes from AI, social media, a website, or another person.
What Parents Can Do Now
We don’t have to wait until children are old enough to use AI independently to prepare them for an AI-driven world. When a six-year-old pauses instead of grabbing a toy, that’s a practice in judgment. When a child notices that a friend looks sad and asks if they’re okay, that’s empathy. When children work through a disagreement instead of immediately asking an adult to fix it, they’re building relationship skills. When they ask, “How do you know that’s true?” they’re beginning to think critically.
These ordinary childhood moments matter. Before solving a problem, ask your child, “What do you think you could do?” When you encounter information together, ask, “How could we find out if that’s true?” When something is difficult, give your child enough time to struggle, try, make a mistake and try again before stepping in.
And Parents Have to Practice, Too
My daughters are in college now and living away from home, and so many of our conversations happen through text. Texting creates its own challenges. A short answer can sound angry when someone is simply rushing to class. No answer can feel personal when someone is just busy. And then there’s the famous: “I’m fine.” AI could probably generate a perfectly worded response. But it doesn’t know my daughter the way I do. It can’t hear the hesitation in her voice or understand the history behind a particular situation. Sometimes I text back. Sometimes I call. And sometimes I ask, “Do you want help thinking this through, or do you just need me to listen?”
That requires something technology cannot give me (or her). Technology can’t determine the tone of voice or her personality. It also reminds me that parents have some practicing to do ourselves. Can I pause? Can I listen instead of fixing? Can I trust my daughter to work through something? Can I recognize when she actually does need my help?
RaisingHumans Who Will UseTechnologyWisely
Our children will probably use AI in ways we can’t yet imagine.
Trying to prepare them for every new tool is impossible. Preparing them to be thoughtful human beings isn’t. We can raise children who know how to pause, question, listen, empathize, reconsider, create, and make thoughtful choices.
AI will continue to change the tools our children use.
Our opportunity is to invest ourselves in developing the human beings who will use them wisely.
Resources:
UNESCO’s (2023) Guidance for generative AI in education and research.
Julie Braumberger is the Director of Education atMind Body Alignand is the co-author of theLabyrinth Adventures, 32-book series for children and curriculum. She earned a bachelor’s degree in elementary education from Notre Dame College and is a certified K-8 school teacher.When she is not at work, Julie spends time at home in Ohio with her family, including her husband, a fellow teacher, and her two college-age children.
To the Confident Parents’ Parenting Village… my book is – in part – dedicated to you…
Reading the book dedication to our Confident Parents’ Parenting Village — who raised me as a parent. I am so grateful!
My book arrived for the first time on Sunday evening just as we were getting back from parents’ weekend and our first visit with our son at college. I thought it was so poetic to receive this after seeing my son and so many 18 and 19-year-olds absolutely thriving. We witnessed creative courage in action and left so inspired.
Who remembers this one from my first book unveiling?
So grateful to Tina Wainscott of The Seymour Agency, to Darcie Abbene, Editor and HCI Books!
The author with whom I was collaborating to get an article published today lost her mother recently. We’ll publish her outstanding content in a few weeks. But for now, we are respecting her sacred space to mourn and remember. It seems an important moment to write about loss. In my personal life, my dear friend lost her mother unexpectedly in the last week and she is trying to cope day to day. My own parents are dealing with failing health and my Dad, who is in Hospice care, seems fragile, his energy, pain, and capacity changing daily. This year, I sold my childhood home as I moved my parents into assisted living. After the final cleaning, I sat on the floor in each room and allowed the memories and emotions to flood me. While I run back and forth to assisted living, I am also feeling the loss of my son’s positive energy in our household while he’s away at college for the first time; the persistent sound of him playing music in our basement, the presence of his friends, and the rhythm of high school activities that dominated our lives. I walk into his bedroom on occasion and just soak in his environment and listen to the quiet as I miss him.
In fact, we may face grief and loss with each and every developmental age and stage. The experiences of “firsts” and the wonder and awe of an infant are unlike any other experience in childhood. We can look back at any later age and miss that baby who was totally dependent upon us for survival. A toddler’s triumphant experiences with agency (“no!, I do it myself!”), physical mobility, and language are unique to that time of life. We may miss those moments of exploration and discovery after leaving that age. On the other end of the spectrum, as my son nears the very end of adolescence, his “firsts” experiencing college life and all of the opportunities it offers him are exciting and exhilarating for him. And I get to experience it vicariously when we have our Sunday catch-up calls. I’m hotly anticipating our first visit this coming weekend for parents’ weekend. But in between, I ache. I feel that energy missing in our household.
We feel these losses with our aging children. And often in mid-life, we are also experiencing aging parents or relatives. We can become caregivers on both ends of the life spectrum — our children and our parents — adding complexity to our days and weeks not to mention a whole lot of stress.
Experiencing grief and loss is never convenient in our lives. It arises unexpectedly. We can shove it down hard when we are with others, are too busy to feel, or just can’t handle the stress of it. Yet, interestingly, the deeper you move into mid-life, the more you experience grief and loss. We all have the opportunity to develop a relationship with grief that keeps us whole-hearted. This is the adulting part we’d rather avoid. Yet, when we look to some of our elders who have grown bitter through their years of pain and difficulty, I wonder if they’ve missed that opportunity. I don’t want to unwittingly hang onto grief while I think I am ignoring it. Instead, I carry it with me. And it impacts my days. Every time I have an irritant or frustration, the heat is that much hotter because that layer of sadness is streaming through my body waiting for an escape. I also am aware that waiting on the other side of grief are incredibly important life rewards I don’t want to miss out on. They include gratitude, presence, compassion, patience, acceptance, wisdom, peace, and even joy.
We can better face our fears of grief and loss if we better understand it. As we build our muscles around facing into grief instead of running from it or looking away from it, we can find self compassion as we move through our own process of dealing with it. In attempting to understand grief, I’ve learned:
Grief and loss create a complex mix of emotions not just sadness. Grief can stir anger as we attempt to overpower our sadness. It can create anxiety as we worry about more loss to come. It can create cravings, desires, and guilt as we can try to ease our pain either in healthy or unhealthy ways. It can create impatience with others as they remind us of what we are trying hard to ignore.
We can challenge our story that we can’t handle it. How many of us are scared we will drown in the weight of our sadness if we actually allow ourselves to feel it? How many of us unfairly judge ourselves as “wallowing like a teenager” (that’s judging teenagers too!) when we do take time to feel the sadness? Recasting our story about how we feel and deal with sadness can give us the chance to allow it. We are capable. We have the courage to feel it and expend it so that it doesn’t need to hold on and stay with us.
“Anticipatory grief” is real.1 I discovered that I was grieving all senior year-long and I was mad at myself for it. “This is too soon! Why am I feeling this now!?” Yet, every last event was cause for sadness in the midst of celebrations. I think, because I felt so much anticipatory grief, I actually was less sad when he left home. I had room for excitement for all that he had in store.
Find time to express the “feels.” In our busy lives, all the feelings that come with grief and loss can derail us if we don’t have an outlet for our pain. Whether you express your upset in a vigorous workout, an impressionist painting, or a quiet reflective journaling session, how will you create the time to feel what you need to feel? Putting it off only delays the inevitable and risks accumulating grief into bitterness that is hard-crusted and more difficult to break through later on. How will you remain open-hearted by caring for your heart now?
For me, this is relationship-in-progress. I have not figured out how I can deal with so much grief and loss in my daily life but I’m trying. I know I’m capable and you are too. Just being aware of the fact that it’s important to create the space to feel is a big step forward. I often think about how I comfort friends who have lost someone precious. How can I treat my own heart with the same understanding, compassion, and generosity? It helps to know I am not alone. Our village of parents is going through this too. How can you treat your own heart with the same understanding, compassion, and generosity? You are capable.
Reference:
Kubler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. 2005. On Grief and Grieving; Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss. NY: Scribner.
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