My son graduates from high school next week. It’s hard to believe I am at this point. As we get excited for final celebrations (and as I carry tissues for my daily spontaneously burst into tears), I am also deeply engaged in collaboratively planning a major event (likely my last one of his school career) for teachers, administrators, families, and students. Though it seemed in middle school that my parent school volunteering days were numbered, I continued to find ways to contribute. We did have plenty of tween and teen comments about that involvement that sounded like: “Mom, don’t say hi to my friends.”; “Mom, you are too visible at school.”; and finally, “Mom, I don’t want you showing up in our school building.” Though these are normal teen reactions to parents’ involvement in school, it leaves an engaged parent or caregiver in a quandary. Why work so hard when it’s not desired by your child who you are doing it for in the first place? Many parents of tweens and teens just stop their involvement. Yet, there are too many benefits to simply stop contributing. Schools need the help. And families require the caring relationships that come with engagement to support a teen all the way through their school years. So we, as parents of tweens and teens, just have to get a little creative about how we contribute. We meet at a coffee house off-site. We plan and lead efforts that require minimal time in the school building. We support leadership in meetings in the evenings when our teen is too busy with homework and friends to notice.

Jason, my husband, and I, for example, led a Leadership Lab with a sub-section of teachers, parents, and students. Our son, for the most part, was not involved (until he heard about how much others were loving it and opted in of his own volition). As we were working on Leadership Lab, I interviewed the following three parents about why they were involved. They each well-articulate how the benefits of staying engaged in our middle and high schools far outweigh any controversy it stirs with our teens. We still allow teens their independence and their territory. We also — through our engagement — show that schools are our family’s village and showing up for our village matters. Check out what Emlah Tubuo, Jason Miller, and Amelia Menk-Brown have to say. And thanks sincerely to these three parent leaders!