Commitment to Children; Mothers of Curiosity, Care, and Courage
In the lead up to Mothers’ Day, I am reflecting on the importance of loving the beautiful qualities in each and every child – not dwelling on the hopes, dreams, or wishes one had for who you thought your child would be or what your child would accomplish. Rather, basking in the unique, authentic strengths they possess that sometimes leave you scratching your head in awe and wonder. “Where did she get that curiosity? That concern for others? That courage?” My two little girls leave me feeling inspired daily. They are complete opposites, but I love their differences whole-heartedly. The one burning wish I do cling to, however? That my 4-year-old would finally start sleeping through the night!
– Jen Hanson-Peterson, Mother and International Coaching Federation (ICF) Coach and Consultant
The deeply curious Mom – as Jen Hanson-Peterson clearly is – recognizes that our children come to us with their own very unique body, mind and spirit. There is no blank slate here, no clay to mold… only a fully sentient human. Yes, our child will change, grow and develop but they also are born with an essential thread that is who they are, not replicated anywhere else. That’s why getting to know our children, deeply listening, observing and paying attention to who they are, what they’re learning, and what they care most about can be our greatest teachers as parents. Jen, along with so many other confident parents, are aware that they are stewards of this journey of the soul — watchers, supporters, and partners with their child’s becoming.
This Mother’s Day, our world needs more of this sensitivity to the uniqueness of children and teens who are deeply engaged at this moment in being their best selves. They are looking to the adults in their lives for cues as they wrestle with their own moral dillemas and attempt to make sense of our complicated world. As a parenting coach myself, I’ve worked with numerous parents who are working hard to get out of their own way. When they look at their child, they see traits of themselves they can’t stand, they see traces of their divorced spouse, they see markers of their own abusive parents, none of which are the child in front of them. So much of our role as parents is to pay attention to who we have in front of us and check our own projections. How can we pay attention long enough to understand what their needs are and what their hearts hold, knowing we’ve been entrusted with one of the most sacred roles?
There are distinctly feminine qualities that motherhood offers any parent the opportunity to more fully embody. These are often underplayed, undervalued and even criticized in ours and other cultures around the world. Perhaps because often they require vulnerability, having the courage to allow oneself to invest on a heart level on a daily basis with one’s family. These “vulnerable” qualities in the right hands become magical powers that lead those who would commit to them, and not suppress or run from them, a pathway to positive change that is filled with growth, well-being and potential. These feminine energies include:
- curiosity;
- intuition;
- a focus on relationships;
- creative expression;
- feeling;
- patience;
- grace;
- empathy;
- love and support;
- peace/nonviolence;
- trust;
- honesty;
- assertion;
- nurturing and care;
- courage;
- tenderness; and
- a strong sense of ethics and justice.
Curious, caring , and courageous mothers embody these qualities and promote them in others. And also, they…
Resist the urge to please others, to make people feel better for their poor choices, and to apologize for their ethic of care. They resist any decisions that threaten to harm the well-being of their family, school, community and environment. Though they listen to others with empathy, they make decisions not based on others’ expectations but by consulting their heart and following their inner wisdom.
Persist in their mission, vision and values of raising safe, healthy and confident kids and investing love and care in a kind, inclusive and healthy families, schools and communities. They believe in themselves and they dedicate their minds and hearts to influencing positive change with the collective in mind. They honor their feelings and reflect on the important messages they send. They know that pain and failure will not deter them from their change-maker path.
Insist on truth and a life of integrity and alignment with their deepest values. They establish boundaries to support human well-being and uphold dignity. They play the long game – knowing that humanity moves toward justice. They align with those evolutionary forces acting as a catalyst to facilitate, even speed its movement. Their family decision-making is collaborative and reflects on the consequences of choices made today and how they will play out tomorrow for themselves and for others – and also the consequences for the world and future generations with an effort to do no harm and contribute to creation and goodness.
Co-exist with haters and those who would condemn realizing that everyone has pain and deals with pain differently while accepting that integrity is not possible if there is a not an acceptance of the rights of any and all to express dissenting opinions. Though they co-exist, they never give away their sense of agency, justice, and worth or their motivation to continue the work of their mission.
So many of the mothers I admire, like the co-writers of this blog – Shannon, Nikkya, Jenny and Lorea – take what they are doing and learning with their own children and help other families and children in the process. (Our father writers do this in their own ways too but we are focused on mothers this week!)
There are many differing ways to be a mother and model the best of what motherhood can be. A biological connection is not necessary. Mothers can lead countries, congregations and nonprofits whose ripple effects expand far and wide. Motherhood can feel isolating at times. But if you are discovering new ways of supporting your child’s growth and your own and bringing that knowledge into your activism to leave the world a better place than you found it, you are part of a long lineage of women who’s stories are widely diverse but share a common thread. These mothers share a commitment to preparing the next generation to become the best of who they are and they begin and end with love.
Curious, caring, courageous mothers are highly self-reflective and utterly aware that they are constantly learning, constantly a work in progress. They know that the pathway ahead – toward making a difference – is through greater self awareness and that is work that never ends. But they are fueled by the knowledge that they are able to create a better world for their children through their work and through their everyday interactions with their children. One feeds and nourishes the other. But that kind of integration doesn’t just happen. It’s the result of an ongoing commitment over a lifetime.
Ultimately, our unconditional love for our children expands as widely and as broadly as we can envision so that we work to influence the children of the world. Of course, we are all a work in progress. But we hope you take the time to reflect on the long lineage and storied lives of curious, caring and courageous mothers — of which perhaps, you are one — and feel supported, encouraged, and cheered by this tradition of mothers helping others. We celebrate you!
