In the busy back to school season when there are numerous priorities, events, and time spent on shopping for clothing and supplies, I think about one mindset or one life skill I can promote to lead the way for our family’s transition. Though we know the gig having done this now for many years, the transition always feels like a stark contrast to the lack of structure of summertime. This year is particularly significant for our family since we have, only a day ago, dropped our son off at college and said goodbye to our 24/7 parenting role. We are feeling all the feels in this big transition and our mindset in the past weeks in preparation for the big drop off felt wholly new and different (yet, in reality, not all that different from other years). Whether you are preparing your former preschooler for their giant step into kindergarten or getting ready for another grade level or jumping to a new school, our students are nerve-cited (nervous and excited) as they enter uncertain territory with many hopes in mind. There is one mindset — particularly on my mind this year — that can prepare them for a smooth transition. More than any other focus area this year, being open hearted and open minded seems to offer the lens required for entering into this season of change and learning.

When we are considering how our life will change drastically, when we are looking to an unknown future, we fear all that is unpredictable. That fear can put us in survival model — or fight, flight or freeze — throughout our entire transition back to school. It’s no different for our young children or teens as they begin a new school year. As you consider what fight, flight, or freeze looks like in your child, you might imagine how that fear will translate into the school setting. It can prevent our child from initiating conversations and connections with others and showing up as their best selves in these opening days of school. And that’s okay. They’ll be okay and warm up to their environment over time. We all get nervous — parents and teachers included. But what if this lens of open hearted, open minded helped them ease up inside? What if it helped them bring their warmth and caring to others? What if it helped them connect with those who are different than they perceive themselves to be? And what if it helped them open their minds to learning from the start?

What Does Open Hearted, Open Minded Mean Practically?

The open hearted, open minded mindset is one in which we observe what others are going through. We bring hope, curiosity, and generosity to our first steps back into the school environment knowing that there are important opportunities for learning that await us. This is a key mindset we can model as adults — parents and teachers — as well as, encourage in our children and teens. We make the pivot from self-protective to other-interested, curious at who we will discover.

When we are open-hearted, we notice the feelings of others. We are engaged in scanning for opportunities to meet others, help others feel comfortable, feel welcome, feel a sense of belonging, and make connections. This requires courage as we make ourselves vulnerable to rejection. But, of course, that courage and vulnerability is precisely where the magic lies. When our child takes the risk of connecting with the classmate who is seated next to them and they discover a common interest, there’s a surge of excitement like no other. Not only do they discover they are not alone, but also that they are engaged in a quest, a journey with other adventurers who are excited about learning too. Open hearted is intentionally first and foremost. Because if we’ve built a wall around our heart, our will power comes out quickly to fight for its protection while we are hiding. Our heart needs to become open to make caring connections.

When we are open minded, we are curious about others who are new to us whether it’s a new teacher or new classmates. We bring a hope and eagerness to discover more about each individual we encounter and what we can learn from them. Within this stance, we hold the genuine belief that there are treasures waiting for us with those we will encounter at school and also, in and through the subjects and contents school will introduce us to. Our open mind will enable us to see differences as exciting opportunities for learning and growth.

How Do We Promote the Open Hearted, Open Minded Mindset?

Though it’s easy to forget the significant role of modeling, our children learn best through how they observe and participate with us as we engage in this back to school transition. So what does it look like for parents to bring an open hearted, open minded mindset?

1. Meeting the New with a Sense of Hope and Wonder. Yes, we’ll get a slew of email communications, perhaps announcements of new teachers, new administrators, new classmates, and more. With all of these announcements of unfamiliar people, policies, and practices, we can meet that news in a variety of ways. As we share with our families, we can feel a sense of overwhelm. We can feel sad about missing those who are no longer a part of your school year. We can hold onto what was instead of look with hope upon what is. And we can prematurely judge the people and issues we are not quite familiar with yet (but we know are different from what we’ve had in the past). Which leads to…
2. Focus and Work with Intention on Trust Building. Our trust of institutions may just be at an all-time low right now. Our trust has been betrayed by systems we rely on to raise our families. And that leaves us feeling protective. Yet, we know that our children’s learning only works when we authentically partner with our child’s teacher and school. So we have to become intentional about rebuilding trust. This is the work each one of us must engage in. You might respond, “Why should I when I have been wronged by… (name the institution!”)” The simple reason is that your child and your family have to depend on your village. We just endured a tornado last week in my hometown of Columbus and sustained damage to our cars and our home. We could not repair the harm done and return our property to safety without relying on our village — our neighbors, our contractors, our first responders. It’s been essential. So too in educating our children, we must restore trust if it’s been broken (and even it has not been broken, trust requires ongoing work and contribution) in order to activate the village that is essential to our family.
3. Calling upon Self Discipline. Yes, we WILL be tempted to judge. We WILL be tempted to pre-determine what people will be like and how they might disappoint us. It’s human nature after all to be self and child protective. It’s worth stopping yourself when temptation to judge strikes. We have to give others the chance — with our open hearts and open minds — to act with kindness and responsibility. As our former Upper School Head Rishi Raghunathan would say, “we have to hold one another capable” from the very start. These expectations will pave the way for our collaborative support throughout the school year.

In addition to these steps we can model and lead with our family, we can also coach our own hearts and minds that all will be okay. Our children have to learn sometimes through difficulties, mistakes, and mess. There is, at times, no way to prevent it nor would you want to. They have to deal with conflict, with others who don’t approve of their behavior, with doing hard things and each time they do, we have a chance to love and support through those essential life lessons. Though knowledge can be attained with a quick key word search, wisdom can only be obtained through experience. So what are we so worried about? Perhaps we’ll only bring our best selves as parents if we can release our worries and hold each teacher, each classmate, each fellow parent capable. What would it be like if all of the others in our school community held us capable?

May you hold your child and their village capable this back to school season with an open mind and an open heart.