The Joy of Giving
– Lao Tzu
The holiday season is an ideal time to help children learn about the joy of giving. When parents teach children to think about their giving, it teaches critical skills in self awareness. For example, the gift giver must think “What talents or abilities do I have that could be utilized to create a special gift?” It also teaches social awareness. Children gets lots of practice making wish lists, looking through toy catalogues and generally, itemizing the many things they want. But thinking about and planning for gift giving also gives them practice in thinking about what other people like and enjoy. The thought process also involves children in a form of problem solving since they need to use their creative thinking to generate ideas for gifts. Don’t get discouraged if a child initially comes up with gifts for Grandma that resemble or are identical to what the child might have on their own wish list. That’s part of their learning process. Grammy likely doesn’t want a Lalaloopsy doll for Christmas or a Lightening McQueen car for Chanakuh. However you can begin to help guide their thinking process to come up with ideas that might resemble something a bit closer to what Grammy might actually like or be interested in.
Here are some simple ways to teach the art of giving.
…about your own giving. You likely thought aloud often when your child was a baby. As you were going about your daily activities, many parents naturally narrate their lives to help a baby come to greater understandings about their environment and also develop language skills. This may feel awkward at first but remember those baby days and utilize that strategy as ready teaching tool. “I know Aunt Sue loves to knit so maybe I’ll get her some new yarn and knitting needles.” “And I need to buy a gift for Grandpa Bob. I know he fishes and works on his boat. Maybe I might find something for him at the sporting goods store?” Just articulating your own natural thought process in front of your child will help him or her begin to think in terms of what others interests might be.
Ask Good Questions and Wait
…for a response from your child. What do we know about Grandma Helen? What does she like to eat? Wear? Read? How does she spend her time? Ask guiding questions about the gift recipient (take one person at a time). Unless a child’s idea about a person’s taste and interests are completely outlandish, go with it! By accepting your child’s ideas as valid, you will be encouraging them to think more about giving. If your child comes up with expensive ideas, think about ways you might alter them to make them possible. If your child knows that Grandma really needs a new car, maybe your child could draw a picture of a new car she might like. Or maybe you could think about an inexpensive item that she could use to spruce up her current car. As a small child, I knew my Mom liked rings so I cut out a bunch of paper rings and put them in an envelope for her for Christmas. I know it touched her and she keeps them to this day. Adults in your child’s life will appreciate the thought that went into your child’s gift for them.
Draw upon your Child’s Talents and Abilities
…to create a homemade gift for those you love. Is your child a good photographer? Put together a photo collage. Can your child play an instrument? Have a recital or prerecord a song for a loved one. Does your child enjoy art? Have your child draw a portrait of the gift recipient. Has your child learned to write a short story in school? Have them write a short story including the person you are considering. Encouraging children to use their talents creating a gift builds their self confidence and teaches them that often the best gifts are ones that come directly from the heart of the giver.
Find a Chance to Give When You Won’t Get
…any gift in return. One easy opportunity to involve your kids in giving when a gift will not be expected in return is to give a gift of appreciation to a teacher. Teachers typically do not have the resources to give gifts to each individual child. And there is a clear reason to give a teacher a gift thanking them for the daily contribution they make to your child’s life. Create a gift from the heart for a teacher and it will be appreciated. For example, bake goodies, make a pencil holder out of a jar and construction paper, or frame a class photograph.
You can also involve your child in service to your community. Many opportunities exist this month if you plug into them. Pick out food together and take the donation to your local food bank. Adopt a family through an agency and buy necessities and presents. Donate coats to an appropriate nonprofit organization. UGive is an online volunteer matching organization that provides specific opportunities for students and for parents in the U.S. Kids at Pitt River Middle School in Coquitlam, British Columbia began the “Breakfast Club.” They anonymously perform random acts of kindness throughout the school. Watch the powerful YouTube video and grab your box of tissues. The kindness in the school changed the quality of the relationships and the culture of the school. People felt more connected to one another. You can do this in your family life too. Make service a part of your holiday tradition and it will enrich your entire family.
The beauty of using your own giving to create teachable moments is that it doesn’t have to take a whole lot of time, energy or planning. Just be sure to include your child in gift giving discussions as part of your routine for the holidays and see what emerges. I suspect you might have a child who experiences the joy of giving.