We are hustling this week to get my son’s suit pressed and ready. He’s headed to the State Capitol to propose new legislation in a mock state government experience. This year, he co-wrote a bill focused on the use of artificial intelligence in health care. Last year, his bill actually passed through the state legislature and is now on the books for Ohio schools. He is excited and motivated by this experience of leadership, coming together with students from schools around the state and thinking through the most significant and pressing issues of our time and how state government should play a role through policy. Last night at dinner, I asked, “do you feel like you understand the fundamentals of democracy?” I wondered too about my own role and responsibility as a parent and educator. “What do I need to be teaching and modeling with my family?”

Democracy is not just a professed value and coveted American ideal. It’s also a prescription set forth by the United Nations as a global core value and governmental structure that promotes “human rights, development, peace, and security.”¹ The United Nations works globally with decolonized countries to help them become “self-determined” finding their agency as a country. The word democracy simply means “rule by the people.”² But are we teaching our children enough about what a democracy is? And more importantly, are we teaching them how they can play a role in giving life to our democracy?

Schools play a key role but are too often blamed for causing our nation’s problems. There are numerous ways we can improve our civic and citizenship education in schools. But we all share responsibility. We, as families, also have an important role to play ourselves. An article in Ed Week sums up the identity crisis we are facing as a nation:

Civic knowledge is important. But the crisis we are facing is not fundamentally a knowledge problem. It is a soul problem. As John Dewey reminded us over a century ago, democracy is not merely a set of rules to be followed but rather a form of “associated living”—the embodiment of the commitment we make to build a world in relation with each other. ³

Surveys have shown that youth ages 12 to 17 are hopeful about their future but pessimistic about the state of the country and disengaged with classroom instruction that does not acknowledge a world on fire.⁴ And in fact, there’s strong unity among parents from across political views and parties with 83% of parents surveyed believing that the federal government should prioritize policies that benefit young people. Yet, 61% of parents across parties believe their voice does not matter in policy decisions.5

So what are the ways in which we can teach the fundamentals of democracy at home? And how can that help us not only feel a sense of agency but also, raise our voices in policy decision-making? First, understanding the core principles and virtues of democracy helps us live them.

The following are from The Bill of Rights Institute.

Core Principles of Democracy:

• Natural Rights – Rights that belong to humans by nature and can only be justly taken away through due process (following established legal procedures and respecting fundamental rights) such as, life, liberty, and property.
• Liberty – The agency to think and act without restraint except for laws of nature or interfering with someone else’s rights.
• Consent – The power of government comes from the people with free and fair elections accessible by all age-eligible citizens.
• Freedom – The Bill of Rights protects citizens’ rights including freedom of religion, private property, and speech.
• Justice – A political system that protects the rights of all equally and treats everyone equally under the law.
• Equality – All individuals have the same claim as humans to natural rights and treatment under the law.

Virtues of Democracy:

• Courage – To stand firm and take constructive action as a person of character and do what is right, especially when it is unpopular or puts a person at risk. 
• Justice – Upholding the dignity of all and respecting what is fair and right. 
• Respect – Defending equal rights and the inherent dignity of all human beings.
• Responsibility – Acting on fair and sound judgment to preserve the liberty and dignity of self and others even when it is unpopular or puts a person at risk. Taking care of self, family, community and fellow citizens to preserve a civil society.

These are high ideals that we strive for in our schools, communities, courts, and nation.  Perhaps one of the hardest aspects of these principles is the fact that if the government is going to represent all people then all people need to participate. Here are a few ways in which we can begin to live democracy with our families to enact the principles in our own lives.

Listen with Curiosity and Preserve Dignity with Divergent Views. We have to be able to listen and learn from one another. We have to be able to open our minds and hearts to a range of views if we are to preserve the dignity of all. In a recent workshop with a local high school, a diverse range of parents listened with empathy to one another’s pain points and worries about their students without trying to fix the situation or judge either. This simple act of empathetic listening was deeply powerful and people left inspired and wanting more. We can learn to listen with empathy even when we disagree demonstrating through our receptiveness. Being receptive and empathetic does not indicate agreement – we can still believe what we believe – but merely care. 

Learn to Use Nonviolent Communication. Even and especially when a family member has a high level of anxiety or fear, using nonviolent communication strategies can focus on the person’s feelings and needs and not on any specific thing they are saying. Irrational words and actions often come from a place of fear. Instead of contradicting those words, you can practice asking about and reflecting back their feelings and also, inquiring about their needs. Finding ways in which to meet emotional needs is key to everyone feeling safe. For more on nonviolent communication in family life, check out this post.

Share Power. Use “power with” strategies instead of “power over” strategies with intention, learning and practice since it is not a natural tendency for most parents. Yet power struggles never end up teaching what we want to teach. Powering over our children’s ideas and actions sends a message that we do not have faith or confidence in their ability to self-manage. When you feel yourself moving into a power struggle (forcing a situation), pause, step back, and reflect. Instead, ask: How can I choose not to wrestle with power but instead empower and create an opportunity for taking responsibility at an age appropriate level? It can be extremely challenging! But your effort will result in a child or teen who understands how to share power. And that lessen will last a lifetime. Need support? Check out Susan Stiffelman’s excellent book on the topic, Parenting Without Power Struggles; Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids while Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected.

Participate Together. Go to the voting booth together as a family. Include your children and show them what you are doing as you vote. If you prepare for voting by reading about the candidates, show your family what you read and how you become informed. Do you participate in any service or volunteering in your community? Involve your children! Their participation in meeting community members and interacting with people – especially those who need help or have far less than they do – will become an unforgettable and eye-opening experience. Do you write letters to your representatives? Going on a march? Involve family members.

Keep an Ethics Dialogue Going. You’ve likely learned by now that our children’s brain wiring doesn’t fully mature in the area of consequential thinking and responsible decision-making until their mid-twenties. That means that the particular high order thinking skill involved requires a lot of connection-making practice. You can help facilitate that practice simply by raising and discussing ethical dilemmas in your own social circle or on the national scene. We discussed one just today as we saw the cover of Time Magazine and asked the questions: if scientists are capable of reestablishing a species that has been extinct for 10,000 years, is it responsible to do so? Just because we can, does that mean we should? What ripple effect consequences might occur in nature (Jurassic Park?) as a result of introducing a new species into the wild? It seems there are daily topics in the news that are fodder for ethical questioning and consideration. Take advantage and think through your ideas and questions – knowing that there are no “right” answers – with your family.

Make Just Decisions with Courage. If you go along with social expectations and the popular view every time, what will your children learn? There will be a time when the popular view or your community’s expectations differ from what you know in your heart is fair and just. If you don’t make a courageous decision on the side of justice, how will your children ever know how and when it’s right to take a stand? Discuss what values you stand for most in your family life and be sure that your family’s decisions align with those values.

Keep Learning! Our democracy is tremendously complex at each level – local, state and federal. In addition, our history in forming and fighting for our democracy is tremendously complex. So keep on learning – and do the learning with your children. For example, did you know that the core principles of democracy came originally from the Iroquois Confederacy and their Great Law of Peace? Check out the video below to learn more.

Democracy fails when we give away our sense of agency. And it’s not to be taken for granted. It takes work and it takes everyone. There are numerous ways to participate. Perhaps the most revolutionary act is raising the next generation of responsible citizens in your own home. What if we all took that responsibility to heart and did all we can? 

Resources:

Printable Founding Democratic Principles and Virtues – The Bill of Rights Institute:

– for Grade School Students

– for Middle and High School Students

Untold History: Iroquois Confederacy: The Birth of Democracy

Want to check yourself as you communicate with others and their differing views? Or want to check speeches or written documents? Check out The Dignity Index. The Dignity Index is an eight-point scale that scores speech along a continuum from contempt to dignity in as unbiased a manner as possible. By focusing on the sound bites, not the people behind them, the Index attempts to stay true to its own animating spirit: that everyone deserves dignity.

References:

United Nations. Global Issues: Democracy. Retrieved at https://www.un.org/en/global-issues/democracy on April 9, 2025.

Civic Education. The Concepts and Fundamental Principles of Democracy. Retrieved at https://www.civiced.org/pdfs/books/ElementsOfDemocracy/Elements_Subsection3.pdf on April 9, 2025.

Mirra, N. & Garcia, A. (2024). Schools are often blamed for floundering democracy. It’s not that simple. 3 urgent steps to overhaul civics education. Ed Week. Nov. 5.

Miller, C.C. (2024). Today’s Teenagers: Anxious about their Futures and Disillusioned by Politicians. The New York Times.

Lake, C., Snell, A., Gormley, C., Vinyard, I., Gillett, M., Anderson, K. S., O’Neil, E., Alles, D., Collins Coleman, E., & Robb, M. (2025). The state of kids and families in America, 2025. Common Sense Media.