I have a single quote inside my kitchen cabinet that I see daily as I make breakfast. It reads, “where focus goes, energy grows.” As I’ve focused on this idea, it’s helped me notice more often where my attention and focus are trained throughout a given day. If I have a hope, desire, or goal I’m working toward, I know that my conscious focus needs to be on that hope daily if I want to move closer toward it, if I want it to grow.

Intentions bring a sense of meaning and purpose to how you show up in life. It orients your mindset in a particular direction. And research confirms it is one key to achieving goals.¹ Do you want to increase your friendships? Setting an intention to be a good friend may help you focus on how you might bring about more friendships in your life. “Intentions create an integrated state of priming, a gearing up of our neural system to be in the mode of that specific intention: We can be readying to receive, to sense, to focus, to behave in a certain manner,” wrote Daniel Siegel in The Mindful Brain.² Of course, once you train your brain to focus in a particular area, it requires self management (a higher order thinking skill) to be able to stay focused on that area. But if you’ve articulated your intention to someone you love, there is an accountability in sharing it.

So how do we use the power of intentions in family life? The beginning of the school year seems an ideal time to help your child set their own personal intention for this coming school year to help them focus on how they want to show up. And with a bit of reflection as a family, your child can express their intention so they prime themselves for that focus over the coming weeks and months. With this understanding of where your child wants to focus their attention, you will understand best how you can support them. The intention can be simple and single-focused. And in fact, it loses its power if you attempt to load it down with all of their goals, hopes, and wishes. So focusing on one area, maybe an area where they haven’t focused before, can help them develop a new capacity. Their intention can also help to serve as an anchor and reminder of their focus when competing demands divide attention. You can provide gentle reminders of their intention they can always return to.

In addition, you as a parent/caregiver can benefit tremendously from setting your own intention for the school year. As you attempt to manage supporting your child’s learning when home as well as your own work and other key relationships and responsibilities, setting an intention can train your own focus when you turn your attention to all efforts related to your child’s school.

Here’s a dinner conversation starter to help you begin the thinking with your family. 

Family 1-2-3 Questions – Conversation Starter:

1. Who do you admire? And Why? Or simply what traits in other people do you admire?

2. Are any of those traits you admire challenging for you?

3. Where do you want to improve and learn this year?

Parents can model and think through their own responses to this question related to the school year. You might consider: 

1. Who in education or teaching do you admire? 

2. What traits do you admire that challenge you? 

3. Where do you want to improve in your own role as your child’s learning support this year?

Formulate a simple, short intention statement from this. Some examples might be:

• I will to work hard and bring my best effort to all assignments.
• I will show kindness to my teacher and classmates.
• I will be open to new friendships this year.
• I will create space for a caring relationship with my child’s teacher.

Write these down. Keep them at the ready. School will get hard. Work will challenge your student. Teacher’s expectations may challenge you. Return when you feel that challenge to your intention statement. How can it help you stay focused? How can you use it to remind your child of their focus? 

We all require support as we attempt to do hard work. And the relationships of school which determine whether or not we learn are just as hard work as the worksheets, tests, and projects that make up the curriculum. Setting your sights as a family on how each individual can meaningful contribute to a safe, healthy, caring and supportive school year will help you all focus your attention together on making the most of your child’s year of learning ahead. And that’s powerful.

References:

Gollwitzer, P. M. (1993). Goal Achievement: The Role of Intentions. European Review of Social Psychology, 4(1), 141–185. https://doi.org/10.1080/14792779343000059

Siegel, D.J. (2007). The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-being.NY: W.W. Norton & Company.