What’s in a Name? Teaching Children the Art of Introductions
The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
– Chinese Proverb
It’s been said that the sound of our own name can be magical. It’s often true and particularly so for a child. I remember the principal saying “Hello Jenny.” to me in the school hallway. And I was in awe. “The principal knows my name?!”, I thought. When your children are entering a new classroom and grade level, there will likely be at least a few new faces they will encounter as the school year begins. We, as adults, sometimes skip or simply forget introductions between children. Teachers may introduce themselves and miss out on the chance to introduce students to one another. For teachers in classrooms, staff of after school programs, coaches for sports teams or Moms and Dads picking up their children on the playground, ensuring that there are full rounds of introductions on multiple occasions is an essential step toward building a sense of connectedness and community. Our name is an important part of our self-identity. Learning names can be a doorway to building relationships. As long-time educator and author Roxann Kriete wrote “Naming is often the beginning of knowing.”1
However name recall can be a great challenge for adults as well as children. Researchers found that when introductory conversations take place, people typically remember jobs and hobbies before they will be able to remember names. Psychologist Jeremy Dean writes that it has everything to do with meaning.2 We are able to better understand people or define their personalities through job titles or activities. A name like Anna on its own provides no specific information about who she is. Although it’s comforting to know that it’s human nature to have difficulty recalling names, it does not lessen the importance of knowing and using names in our daily interactions.
You can certainly give your child an advantage when walking into new environments and trying to make friends by modeling and practicing introductions. This summer, I stood around with other parents dropping off my child at a new camp — with unfamiliar staff and children. After no introductions were made on day one, I started introducing my son to a few other children and myself to other parents. I witnessed a substantial difference in my son’s motivation and eagerness to engage with the other kids and participate in the camp after the introductions had been made.
In teaching any skill, the best educators break down what adults may consider “the basics” into smaller steps and teach children each of the component skills. Try out these next steps with your children and see if they feel more confident starting school in the next few weeks.
Explore why names are so important.
Read Harry and the Bucketful of Dinosaurs 3 to kick off a conversation about the importance of names. Or go through the pile of stuffed animals in your household with your child (if your house contains many like mine) and make sure that each has a meaningful name. Tell the story of how you came up with your child’s name. Why was it a special name for you? If you do not know the meaning or origin of your child’s name, look it up together.
Find a chance to practice an introduction and reflect on it.
Make it silly if you like. Introduce Dad to your daughter at dinner. Or introduce your favorite teddy bear to the rubber duck bath team. “Ted Bear meet Duckie.” “It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve already heard so much about your adventures together.” Reflect on what you did during the introduction. What did your body look like? Eye contact, leaning in and shaking a hand are all ways you can show you are interested in greeting another. What specifically did you say? “Hello, my name is Anna. What’s your name?” is an easy way to begin.
When making introductions, find out one thing about the other person.
Assist yourself and your child with recall by associating a person’s name with something meaningful about who they are. “What do you like to play at home?” or “What’s your favorite game?” might be standby questions for your child to ask to begin to get to know a person.
If you are playing host, facilitate learning each other’s names.
Playdates or birthday parties are times in which friends and family are brought together from a variety of contexts and may not know one another. Help establish connections by providing name tags. And before pinning the tail on the donkey, facilitate a name game to help children learn each other’s names. For ideas on a variety of name games, check out The Ultimate Camp Resource on Name Games.
And what if you forget a name? Help your child know what to do.
Those moments can be awkward when your child wants to interact with another but just cannot remember his or her name. What can he say? “Excuse me. Can you tell me your name again?” Practice and model this with adults when you have the chance so that he can watch how it’s done and be ready when he’s feeling uncomfortable.
And for educators and others who work with groups of children, remember it takes multiple exposures to a name to remember it. Name games such as those described in The Morning Meeting Book can be an enjoyable way to practice introductions, remember names and get to know each person in a classroom community. One of my favorites is the simple Adjective Greeting in which each individual picks an adjective that begins with the same letter of that person’s first name. You can call me “Joyous, Jovial and Jumpy Jennifer.”
Children who are able to recall and use others’ names demonstrate confidence and assertiveness. Using names imbues the greeter with the power to build relationships. However the ability to introduce oneself does not always begin naturally or comfortably. Equipping your child with the ability to introduce himself will prepare him for entrance into any social context. How do you practice introductions with your children?
1 Kriete, R. (2002). The Morning Meeting Book. Turners Falls, MA: Northeast Foundation for Children.
2 Davis, J. Why People’s Names Are So Hard to Remember. Retrieved on August 14, 2014.
3 Whybrow, I., & Reynolds, A. (1999). Harry and the Bucketful of Dinosaurs. New York: Random House.
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Posted on May 21, 2014 by confidentparentsconfidentkids
Say What?
When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it’s like giving them emotional oxygen.
– Stephen Covey
Most parents, particularly with young children, may feel like they are listening all day long. Because children are exploring the world around them, they may have many observations and questions. “Why are you going upstairs?” “What is Dad doing now?” “How many days until school is out?” and “Why is that bird chirping outside our window?” Though we perceive that we are listening regularly, often times, the reality is, we are not. Research reinforces that notion. The average person listens with only 25% efficiency.1 And no wonder. There are multiple distractions from people and media that compete for our attention. Listening is a critical skill for your children as they attempt to make friends, participate in family life and achieve in school. When your child does not listen to you, it can be extremely frustrating and sometimes dangerous if for example, you are warning them about a safety issue. Effective listening in which the person hears and understands what is said, can build trust in a relationship, reduce conflict and inspire a higher level of commitment to working together.
As you prepare for school letting out and having your children home more of the time, why not practice some listening skills to proactively promote stronger communications? Try out the following practices.
Have a dinner conversation about listening.
You might pose the question, “What does it take to listen well?” “What do our bodies do when we listen?” Start a conversation with the whole family and allow each member to contribute. Model listening by allowing each person to complete their thoughts without interaction or judgment.
Practice listening strategies.
Try interactive modeling with listening skills. Model the listening technique and then, ask your child to try it out.
Parent: “I ran into my Kindergarten teacher at the grocery store today while I was getting you carrots and she said she remembered me.”
Parent Modeling Paraphrasing: “So you ran into your Kindergarten teacher and she remembered you.
Mom to Dad: “What did you mean when you said you weren’t happy this morning. What happened?”
Child: “Today Mrs. Smith started a project with us. We are going to be building fairy tree houses. I can’t wait. I need to get sticks and lots of other stuff to help build it. Okay?”
Parent: You might be tempted to say, “I built a bird house when I was in school.” Instead you might say, “Okay. Sounds like you are excited about this project your teacher began. What else besides sticks do we need to collect?”
This pattern of speaking and listening may come naturally to some but to children, it is a major challenge and requires experience. Your modeling will make a difference in their own comfort with this style of communication.
Try out some listening games.
For Younger Children:
Telephone
This classic children’s game is not only fun but also instructive. Play this as a family or when a group of children are at the house for a playdate. Get the children in a circle. Whisper in the first child’s ear one sentence that they must whisper in the next child’s ear. The sentence get passed from child to child in a whisper. The final child gets to reveal aloud what he heard. Make the first sentence simple and increase the difficulty with each turn. Giggles are likely to result! A simple one may be, “The cat is orange.” A more difficult one may be, “The curious cat calls out his command to come.” On the first go-round, just pass the sentence. On the second go-round, ask, “what could you do if you didn’t really hear what was said?” This will give children additional practice in seeking clarification. You could model what they might say. “Could you repeat that, please?”
For Older Children:
Robbery Report
If you have children 9 and up, this will be a true challenge for them. Created by Classroom Conflict Resolution Training for Elementary Schools in San Francisco, California and reprinted in the A Year of Student’s Creative Response to Conflict curriculum, it has been used effectively in classrooms. Children love it! The parent relays a robbery report and children must remember the details of the report by listening to it. Say it once and see what they can remember. Then, read it a second and perhaps, third time and see if they’re listening improves.
Parent: “Please listen carefully as I have to go to the hospital right away. I just called the police from the gas station on the corner. Wait here and report the robbery to them. I was walking into Johnson’s Convenience Store and this guy came running out and almost knocked me over. He was carrying a white bag and it looked like he had a gun in his left hand. He was wearing a Levi jacket with the sleeves cut out and a green and blue plaid shirt and blue jeans with a hole in the right knee. He had skinny legs and a big stomach. He wore wire rim glasses and high top red Converse tennis shoes. He was bald and had a brown mustache and was six and a half feet tall, probably in his mid-thirties.” 2
Adult Listening Challenge
In addition to modeling and teaching your child skills in listening, here’s a challenge for you to exercise your own listening skills. This is not easy! It takes concentration. Try it out multiple times and see if you can make improvements as you practice.
Listening for Thought, Listening for Feeling
Pick any listening opportunity in a day whether it’s listening to your child relay a story from school or your partner telling you about his day at work. In addition to listening to the content of what the person says, also see if you can identify the unspoken thought and feeling behind the content, in other words, the context. Here’s an example.
Your Partner: “Oh, the day was okay. I had four meetings back to back this morning and they seemed to drag. I am glad I checked them off the list.”
Thought: The morning was long and difficult.
Feeling: I was tired and bored and am now feeling relieved that my meetings are over.
Now that you have identified the thought and the feeling, you can better respond to your partner. Listening is a skill that can bring a family closer together if practiced regularly. Try out one of the techniques or games and see if adds a sense of connection and understanding to your family communications.
References
1 Williams, S. Listen Effectively. LeaderLetter. Dayton, OH: Wright State University Raj Soin College of Business. Retrieved on 5-20-14.
2 Nia-Azariah, K., Kern-Crotty, F., & Gomer Bangel, L. (1992). A Year of Students Response to Conflict: 35 Experiential Workshops for the Classroom. Cincinnati, OH: Center for Peace Education.
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