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Posted on October 26, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

Halloween Party Cooperative Games for Home or Classroom


Perhaps you volunteer in your child’s classroom as I do and are helping plan the annual Halloween party. Maybe you are a teacher looking for ways to both entertain, celebrate, and build skills on the holiday. Or you could be planning a costume party for family and friends. Whatever your role or goal, the following ideas are sure to make your little ghouls or goblins laugh with delight as they collaborate with their peers, approach scary characters in an entertaining way and build social and emotional skills. Check out these games appropriate for eight-years-old and up!

Monster Back Story

Materials: Monster masks, or construction paper, glue, markers and large popsicle sticks (to create monster masks)

Gather around in a circle. Hold monster masks up to your face. You can either create them together as a craft or ask children to bring any mask they might have in from home to share. The leader can introduce one monster at a time. “This is Dracula. He’s a vampire who survives by sucking peoples’ blood. But he wasn’t always as he is today…” Then go around the circle and ask each child to provide a detail from his childhood explaining why he came to be the person he is today.

Be sure to offer the “pass” option if a child cannot think of an addition to the back story.

Social and Emotional Skills Practiced: Collaboration, Empathy, Perspective-taking

Witches’ and Wizards’ Charades

Materials: Index cards, marker

Gather in a circle of students. Have index cards prepared with the magical illusions listed below, one per card. Bring in a stick or better yet, a wand for casting spells. Explain the rules of the game. One person is the witch or wizard and they get to select a card from the pile. They also hold the wand and cast the spell. The students seated directly to their immediate left and right will serve as their team. They read the card together and whisper a plan for acting out the illusion. No talking aloud or sounds can be made just acting. They continue to act out the illusion while the rest of the group guesses what they are doing. The person to guess correctly first is the next wizard or witch.

For the index cards, here are the magical illusions to be acted out: levitation, or a floating person or object; invisibility, person or object disappears; grower taller; shrinking; growing longer hair; changing from a person to a toad; flying on a broomstick; making it light and then, dark; making limbs disappear; disappearing in one part of the room, reappearing in another, charming a snake.

Social and Emotional Skills Practiced: Social awareness, Active listening, Collaboration, Negotiation, Problem-solving, Nonverbal communication

Cooperative Ghost Story Telling

Gather in a circle of students. The leader establishes the rules to get the game started. Let the group know that each person will have a turn to contribute one sentence to the ghost story. Pass around a talking stick and let participants know that only the one who possesses the stick may talk. The others must listen carefully in order to build upon the story. The leader can begin with the classic line, “It was a dark, stormy night and…” This requires no setup and no materials. Kids will delight in the creativity and imagination involved. This is also a wonderful transition game that can be used on the spur-of-the-moment when waiting for a next class or activity.

Social and Emotional Skill Practiced: Collaboration, Creative Thinking, Active Listening

Who Done It?

Materials: Accessory props like glasses, scarf, gloves, headband, costume jewelry

Gather around in a circle. Place accessory props just outside the circle like glasses, headband, bracelet, sweater, and scarf. Explain the rules of the game. All students will put their heads down, with arms over their heads, and eyes closed. Tell students that it’s the honor system and will be more fun if everyone keeps eyes closed. The leader will tap one student on the shoulder who will steal a bag of Halloween candy off of the teacher’s desk and hide it in the room. That person will then return to the circle changing one item on their person grabbing an item from the pile of props. Then students will all open eyes and see if they can identify who stole the teacher’s candy!

An alternative, perhaps slightly more challenging version, would be for the student to – instead of adding a prop – change seated positions in the circle and see who notices who has switched seats. This requires a bigger circle with space in-between each student so that the thief could sit anywhere upon returning to the circle.

Social and Emotional Skill Practiced: Collaboration, Social Awareness (Close Observation)

Robbery Report

This one was created for Classroom Conflict Resolution Training for Elementary Schools in San Francisco, California and reprinted in the A Year of Student’s Creative Response to Conflict curriculum. It has been used effectively in classrooms. Children love it!

The parent relays a robbery report and children must remember the details of the report by listening to it. Say it once and see what they can remember. Then, read it a second and perhaps, third time and see if they’re listening improves.

Parent: “Please listen carefully as I have to go to the hospital right away. I just called the police from the gas station on the corner. Wait here and report the robbery to them. I was walking into Johnson’s Convenience Store and this guy came running out and almost knocked me over. He was carrying a white bag and it looked like he had a gun in his left hand. He was wearing a Levi jacket with the sleeves cut out and a green and blue plaid shirt and blue jeans with a hole in the right knee. He had skinny legs and a big stomach. He wore wire rim glasses and high top red Converse tennis shoes. He was bald and had a brown mustache and was six and a half feet tall, probably in his mid-thirties.” 1

Social and Emotional Skills Practiced: Active Listening

Mummy Wrap

Materials: One roll of toilet paper per three kids.

Divide kids into teams of three. Each team gets a roll of toilet paper. One child is the designated mummy and the other two are mummy creators/wrappers. Give the teams time to wrap up one team member by working together encircling the mummy with toilet paper leaving holes for breathing and seeing and hearing, of course! Teams can be challenged to wrap the mummy in such a way that he is able to walk while keeping on the costume. See if the completed mummy can walk across the room without unraveling.

Social and Emotional Skills Practiced: Collaboration, Problem-Solving

Swamp Monster

Material: long rope, Halloween music (and music player)

Leader shares the rules of the game. Leader lays down rope winding it around the room representing a safe bridge while Halloween music plays (think: “Monster Mash” and “Ghostbusters”). Students link arms and follow one another in a line along the rope. Students must keep both feet on the rope while moving forward to the beat. If a student is struggling, she or he needs to ask his teammates on either side for help. Then, the surrounding students can provide strength and support to help them stay on the rope. If a foot goes off the rope onto the floor (a.k.a. the swamp), the swamp monster “eats that student” and they have to sit out while the others try to stay on. Eliminate down to the last team of three students linked and clap for that last team of three who remained strong.

Social and Emotional Skills Practiced: Collaboration, Asking for help when needed

Enjoy engaging in one or more of these games with your family, friends, or students. Happy Halloween!

References:

1. Nia-Azariah, K., Kern-Crotty, F., & Gomer Bangel, L. (1992). A Year of Students Response to Conflict: 35 Experiential Workshops for the Classroom. Cincinnati, OH: Center for Peace Education.

#Halloween #Parenting #SEL

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Posted on October 24, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

The Hidden Treat of Halloween; Practicing Perspective-Taking

THE GHOST OF A FLOWER

“You’re what?” asked the common or garden spook
Of a stranger at midnight’s hour.
And the shade replied with a graceful glide,
“Why, I’m the ghost of a flower.”

“The ghost of a flower?” said the old-time spook;
“That’s a brand-new one on me;
I never supposed a flower had a ghost,
Though I’ve seen the shade of a tree.”

– Anonymous[i]

The pirate, construction worker, fireman, train conductor, doctor, ghost and Dark Lord Vader have all made guest appearances in our house over the past weeks in hot anticipation of Halloween. Though fear may abound with kids worrying about spooky specters and parents worrying about nut allergies, cavities, and street safety, there is more to the Halloween experience than just candy and frights. Children are encouraged to be someone or something else for one night a year. They are not only permitted but emboldened to become a character from their imaginings. Halloween gives them a chance to think and feel from another perspective. The skill of perspective-taking is one that has been found to assist in problem-solving, communication, multi-cultural understanding, empathy and academic performance.

But how does perspective-taking relate to all of those aforementioned critical life skills? When do children begin learning to take another’s perspective? And how can parents encourage the development of these skills? Perspective taking is interpreting another person’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations for action (see references for more on the Theory of Mind and Relational Frame Theory). This skill uses multiple executive functions of the brain including self-regulation, empathy and cognitive flexibility (seeing a variety of solutions) making it a skill set that is now recognized as critical for school readiness and when in school, success in achieving academic goals.[ii]

Researchers have been able to determine that three-year-olds can begin to take another’s perspective and some are even able to detect that another may hold a false belief about an observation[iii] For example, the teacher says there is an apple in the bag. Many children believe this but one child knows the apple is under the table. As children begin to form relationships with peers, teachers and other care providers, they will become more adept at communicating their own needs, thoughts and feelings if they are attuned with the other person. A teacher’s facial expression may give away the anger they are feeling with an administrator.  If your child reads the expression correctly, he may choose to wait for a better moment to bring up the fact that his homework was eaten by the dog.

So how can parents encourage and support their children in understanding another person’s perspective? I’ve included some general simple ideas first and then, added more specific ideas related to children’s stages of development.

One easy way to promote perspective-taking skills is to ask open-ended questions to prompt thinking. Extend the learning by using perspective taking as a “Guess what…” game at dinnertime or on a car trip when your family is together. Parents I work with have had success with doing this by engaging their family in fun and productive conversation. Each person has the opportunity to guess what another was feeling or thinking at some point that day. It may be an opportunity to reflect and laugh about more stressful moments in the day. For example, “I could see that Dad was angry when I grabbed his newspaper this morning.” The person who is being commented on has to say whether or not the feeling the family member guessed is accurate and if not, what they actually were feeling. Over your macaroni and cheese, watch with great satisfaction as your children become more adept at articulating your perspectives and their own with practice.

I tried a second variation of this game at my own dinner table and found we laughed and enjoyed the fun of it. This one was “If ___ came to dinner, he would say _______.” We inserted famous people and family members and our six-year-old came up with remarkable responses. He also instigated conversation using the various voice intonations of those people.

Here’s a brief sampling of our conversation:

Me: “Your teacher, Mrs. Art is here for dinner. What does she say?”

E: “This is a nice dinner.” (read in a sweet, high-pitched voice)

Dad: “Your three-year-old cousin…”

E: “I don’t like hot dogs.” (with a whine)

Me: “Your cool Uncle Jeremiah…”

E: “E, man, how ya doin.” (in a jazzy, deep tone)

Me: “Emperor Palpatine, Ruler of the Dark Side…”

E: “I’ll kill you after dinner.”

Of course, children have differing abilities to take others’ perspectives as they develop. Primary school age children will not be ready for multi-cultural diplomacy at the United Nations’ mediation table just yet but plant the seeds and they will get there. The following are Robert Selman’s five stages of perspective-taking[iv] with my own practical suggestions for how you can support your children’s development through the years.

  1. Undifferentiated perspective-taking

Ages 3-6

Children have a sense of their own thoughts and feelings and the fact that their actions cause others to react but sometimes may confuse others’ thoughts and feelings with their own.

Easy practice: Look for chances to identify different kinds of emotions when interacting with others. “Look at that woman’s expression in the store. Her face says to me she’s frustrated.” The posters with multiple facial expressions are great for expanding a feelings vocabulary. Check out this one. My son’s favorite is “lovestruck!”

2. Social-informational perspective-taking

Ages 5-9

Children understand that different perspectives may mean that people have access to different information than they have.

Easy practice: When you are reading books with your child, stop when you find a belief, perspective, motivation or course of action that would differ from what your daughter would choose. Talk about the character’s perspective and motivation and from where it may have originated.

3. Self-reflective perspective-taking

Ages 7-12

Children can view others’ perspectives by interpreting others’ thoughts and feelings and recognize that other people can do the same.

Easy practice: Guide your children through a conflict situation by asking them, after cooling down, to tell what they are thinking and feeling and then, asking them to interpret what the other person is thinking and feeling.

4. Third party perspective-taking

Ages 10-15

Children are able to mentally step outside of their own thoughts and feelings and another person’s and see a situation from a third person, impartial perspective.

Easy practice: This is a perfect time for a child to read biographies about other people’s lives that might interest them. Select a person together because you know something about the person’s life. Or read it yourself and talk about it with your child. My son, now ten, is a fan of the “I Survived” book series. Each book follows an individual boy through a historic tragedy he survives.

5. Societal perspective-taking

Ages 14-Adult

Teens begin to see that the third party perspective can be influenced by larger systems and societal values.

Easy practice: Offer opportunities to learn and experience other cultures reflecting on differing perspectives and values. Visit churches, synagogues or other places of worship outside of your belief system. Volunteer in a nursing home or homeless shelter. When you hear your children are interested in another culture, government or belief system, explore the opportunity through books, volunteerism, festivals, travel and other mind-expanding experiences.

Halloween is a holiday that helps us explore our fears in a safe way. It allows us to think about our mortality and our belief systems while having fun. In addition, it gives us permission to be and think differently, to put ourselves in someone else’s place for one night. Take advantage of this great opportunity to practice perspective taking with your children. Have a safe, happy Halloween!

#SEL #parenting #Halloween

Resources:

A good article for educators on teaching perspective taking:

http://jillkuzma.wordpress.com/perspective-taking-skills/

Strong classroom activities on perspective taking:

http://www.creducation.org/resources/perception_checking/classroom_activities_on_perspective_taking.html

____________________________________

[i] Klaver, B. Spooky, Scary and Fun Poems that Will Make your Hair Curl. The Poetry Foundation. Retrieved from http://www.poetryfoundation.org/article/240370 on October 24, 2013.

[ii] Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2011). Building the Brain’s “Air Traffic Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function: Working Paper No. 11. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu

[iii] Heagle, A.I., & Rehfeldt, R.A. (2006). Teaching Perspective-Taking Skills to Typically Developing Children through Derived Relational Responding. Journal of Early and Intensive Behavior Intervention. 3 (1) 1-34.

[iv] Selman, R.L. (1975). Level of social perspective taking and the development of empathy in children: Speculations from a social-cognitive viewpoint. Journal of Moral Education. 5 (1) 35-43.

 Originally published on Confident Parents, Confident Kids in October, 2013.

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Posted on October 19, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

National Bullying Prevention Month



As Parents and Educators, What Can We Do?

The evidence is clear that most bullies have been bullied themselves (by an adult or a child) in some form. In fact, it could be surmised that all those acting out bullying behaviors are hurting and perpetuating a cycle of hurt. Most, at some point in their lives, have been bullied. Someone has intentionally caused them harm, emotionally and sometimes, physically, repeatedly over time creating a dominance of one over another. Immunity cannot be guaranteed for anyone but there are clear, research-based steps parents can take to prevent their own children from choosing bullying behaviors and also, from being the recipient of bullying.

If you think your child has not experienced bullying, consider that in a study of U.S. students, grades 3-12, fewer than half said they had told a parent about their experience.1. So look for signs. If your child has repeated tummy aches and doesn’t want to go to school, ask if there are troubles they want to avoid. If your child seems depressed and you are unsure why, spend time hanging out together and just listening. Your demonstration of openness and trust may raise the subject that might otherwise remain a secret.

It helps to understand the conditions that perpetuate bullying behaviors. There is a much greater likelihood that a child will show bullying behaviors if:

– parents are aggressive, punishing and emphasize power and dominance in the family.
– siblings are aggressive with one another and parents allow it.
– there is physical and/or emotional abuse in the family.
– parents are overly permissive and/or ignore their child.

Parents who are consistent with boundaries and limits and balance it with responsiveness to needs and clear love and attention are significantly less likely to perpetuate bullying behaviors. 2. As with any social and emotional skill or lack thereof, family values and models are the greatest teachers.

Here are specific ways you can prevent your child from choosing bullying behaviors:

Become aware of your own language. When speaking about others, do you use language that includes labeling or demeaning words? Do you ever label your own child? You may feel that calling him a “geek” is innocent enough but what if the teacher called reporting your child was calling others “geeks”? Check your own language as you speak and realize that your child is learning from you. I ask myself, “If my child repeated what I am saying to someone else in public, would I be upset?” If my answer is yes, then I rethink and rephrase what I am saying or I try to not say it at all.

Be your child’s advocate. Perhaps you are not aggressive with your children but a relative is. Don’t allow it. Don’t allow uncles, aunts or grandmothers to criticize your child. There are kind and firm ways you can advocate without hurting others’ feelings. Remove your child. Change the subject. Distract with a game or other plaything. Pull the offending adult aside and ask them politely but firmly to stop. If you suspect they are inappropriate with your child when you are not present, make certain they are not left alone with him/her so that there are not opportunities for mistreatment.

Cultivate sibling kindness. If a family culture helps determine each child’s behavioral choices, then it necessitates that there are certain limits between and among siblings. Harm whether physical or emotional is not acceptable. If harm is caused, parents can direct children in ways to make up for their harm – fixing a broken toy or doing a kindness for a sister with hurt feelings. Promote and practice sibling kindness by creating chances for siblings to appreciate one another. At dinnertime ask, “What did you notice your sister do today that was kind?” Also, find chances to guide siblings toward cooperation (versus competition). Siblings who are able to work together get regular practice in being collaborative and will translate that practice into their school relationships.

Learn strategies that prompt responsibility instead of resorting to yelling and/or punishment. If you are reading this blog, you are on a positive learning track as a parent or educator! We all need support in our roles doing the hardest, most important jobs on the planet. Know how you learn best and seek ways to continue your own learning. Parents who understand multiple strategies for responding to misbehaviors don’t need to resort to yelling or punishment. They retain (or regain) their own emotional control and use those moments to teach their children responsible behaviors. Mom’s Clubs, support forums, parenting education classes, online webinars, articles and talking with parents you admire are all ways to advance your own abilities in this area. For fifty alternative ideas to punishment or detention, check out this list!

Practice social and emotional skills. Whether you engage in cooperative games with your family or hold family meetings to dialogue through problems, find ways to practice social and emotional skill building at home. Instead of running to help a neighbor on your own, take the kids with you. Let them experience empathy in action. Find ways they can contribute to your home, school, and community. Read this blog for many more simple, research-based strategies for promoting social and emotional skills at home! Children who have practice in social and emotional skills do not need to bully. They derive power from their own skills and abilities.

Here are specific ways you can help your child if he or she is being bullied:

Listen with compassion and leave judgments behind. If you create sacred space and focused attention in which you listen to your child regularly, he is much more likely to share his troubles with you. If you learn he is being bullied, listen to the full story with compassion before chiming in. Express empathy for your child who is hurting. Also, be clear with your child that the other – the one who is choosing bullying behaviors – is hurting in ways we cannot fully understand. But what they are doing is not right and needs to stop.

Show confidence that your child can respond. Though painful, responding to bullying attacks is an important opportunity for your child’s growth in her social relationships if you provide support. If you give her the tools to deal with her own relationship problems, she will grow in her confidence and gain invaluable experience she will certainly use later in life when confronted with other difficult behaviors.

Coach your child on how to react. Because bullying behaviors are defined as a series of mistreatments, there tends to be a continuation and often an escalation of attacks over time. That means that the best time to address bullying is immediately. Coach your child on ways to respond the next time they are attacked. If a classmate says, “You are so ugly,” for example, practice what your child would say and how they would say it. The best responses follow this criteria.

  1. What is said is short, memorable and well-rehearsed.
    2. Child communicates that what is happening is wrong.
    3. Child communicates that it must stop.

So the conversation would go as follows:

“You are so ugly,” says attacker.

“Gina, stop it. You know you are wrong.” says your child.

How a child says it – his body language – is as important as what he says. He will be scared. Acknowledge that anyone would be but that doesn’t mean he can’t do it. In fact, he can. Practice standing up straight. Looking the attacker in the eyes. Say his few words – “You are wrong. Stop!” – firmly but not yelling (yelling indicates a loss of emotional control). Then, walk away. Like ripping off a band-aid, the interaction only need last a few minutes but can have lasting impact on your child’s confidence.

You can also coach your child to proactively confront their attacker (as my Mom did with me when I was attacked as a child). Give your child the choice. I was so upset that I needed to take control right away and not wait for another attack. Your child may have more courage to respond if he practices and then goes to his attacker and communicates that things are going to change. Either way, your child is empowered with the tools to shape his/her own relationships.

Identify a Safety Buddy. Did you know that more than half of bullying situations end when a peer intervenes? Talk with a close friend about acting as a safety buddy for one another. If one sees the other being isolated and picked on, practice going over, linking arms and walking the friend away. This simply move can end a threatening situation instantly.

DO NOT encourage your child to engage in any hurtful word exchange or retaliation. And DO NOT model it inadvertently by criticizing the attacker. A hurtful retort (referencing character, calling names) could escalate the conflict and put your child in immediate danger. Hold back on your own comments even if they are flying through your mind and keep your child safe.

How Parents and Schools Can Partner on Anti-Bullying Efforts:

Evidence-based school-wide initiatives that promote a caring school community and allow students to practice social and emotional skills have been found to be the most effective in preventing bullying. Specifically a meta-analysis of studies found that the most effective bullying prevention programs in schools included parent training, improved playground supervision, multiple disciplinary strategies (not Zero Tolerance), school conferences or assemblies that raised awareness of the problem, classroom rules against bullying, classroom management techniques for detecting and dealing with bullying and the work of peers to help combat bullying. 3. Check out the CASEL Guide on Social and Emotional Learning and Bullying Prevention for more. So what can we do as parents?

Find out what is being done in your child’s school. Ask what programs, policies, and practices are in place related to bullying prevention. Raise your own awareness and let your family know about the school’s efforts.

Get curious. What happens to a child when he or she is caught hurting another child repeatedly? Because the offending child is hurting, we can take those bullying behaviors as a red flag, a warning sign that his/her emotional needs are not being met. Are there supports ready for that child? Is there a counselor or a caring program or a mentor that can be accessed to help this child through this difficult time? Asking questions and examining what supports are available can support the entire school community and in turn, your own child.

Get involved. Does your school’s Parent Teacher Association have a role in bullying prevention? Get a seat at the table and make sure that it does. In my own state of Ohio, I worked closely with a parent who had been bullied as a child. She brought up the issue and her advocacy and persistence resulted in the adoption of a state-wide policy through the Ohio Parent Teacher Association on social and emotional learning and bullying prevention. Parents do have a powerful voice if they use it. The schools who have dealt with school what can i do sandy hook illust 001shootings have, after the tragedy, adopted a focus on creating a caring school environment and involving parents in that process. Don’t wait until your child’s safety is at risk. EVERY school needs to have plans and practices in place to promote connectedness between all members of the school community.

Promote Upstanders. Upstanders are kids who witness bullying behaviors and stand up for the kids who are being picked on. Some schools promote this as a part of their caring culture. Classroom discussions include conversations about how you can stand up for others. There are ways parents can promote inclusion at home and certainly not accept exclusion. In addition, check out Edutopia’s article on creating a culture of up-standers in schools. 

Remember the classic 1980’s film, “Back to the Future” when Calvin’s Dad confronted his bully, Biff and it forever changed the power dynamic in their relationship? When kids respond clearly and firmly, it has the power to completely shift the relationship. The message is “I’m not going to be picked on anymore.” And because the bullying behavior is a tentative ploy for dominance from a hurting child, he/she is likely to back off. The power has shifted and their ability to maintain control is on unsteady ground.

Though the aim of bullying behaviors is to force us into feelings of helplessness, we are not helpless. Everyone in a community can take responsibility and serve a role. By doing your part, we can eliminate the threat of abuse and focus on learning together.

#NationalBullyingPreventionMonth #bullying

Resources

Check out the following helpful sites:
stopbulling.gov
bullying.org
National Bully Prevention Center – http://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/info-facts.asp
The Bully Project – http://www.thebullyproject.com
Stomp Out Bullying – http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/

Bazelon, Emily. (2013). Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy. NY: Random House.

Goldman, Carrie (2012). Bullied. What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs To Know about Ending the Cycle of Fear. NY: Harper Collins.

References

1. Limber, S. P., Olweus, D., & Wang, W. (November, 2012). What we are learning about bullying: trends in bullying over 5 years. Paper presented at the meeting of the International Bullying Prevention Association. Kansas City, MO.
2. Duncan, Renae D. (2009) Family characteristics of children involved In bullying. Retrieved from education.com on 10-1-15.
3. Ttofi, M. M., & Farrington, D. P. (2009). What works in preventing bullying: Effective elements of anti-bullying programs. Journal of Aggression, Conflict and Peace Research, 1(1), 13–24.
4. CASEL, AIR, EDC. Social and Emotional Learning and Bullying Prevention. Online Guide.

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Posted on October 12, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

Understanding the Emotions of Our Teens


The top challenge and priority for parenting, said U.S. parents from the 2015 NBC Parenting Survey, was patience and understanding.1 That ability can become a particular challenge as children move into their teenage years. They are striving for independence yet are still very much dependent on you for your guidance, love, and support. Their bodies are looking taller and more mature, but their behaviors may not demonstrate that maturity. That paradox can be confusing for parents and sons and daughters as they navigate school, friendships and involvement in family life. I met last night with a group of parents of teenagers and asked this question that may, on first reading, seem unrelated:

How did you feel in those very first days of being a new parent?

I ask you to reflect on that same question. I heard from those in the workshop the following descriptors: scared, overwhelmed, vulnerable, isolated, happy, amazed, in love, ignorant, empathetic and sad for the loss of the life before kids. What feelings might you add to the list?

These are the very same emotions that your teenager is experiencing as he or she passes through a time period in which they are very much existing in the in-between. They are beginning to let go of while also, holding onto childhood attributes which can be sad and isolating. They also have a developmental pull to become more independent and act as adults though they are not fully equipped in their thoughts and actions for the responsibilities of adult life making them at times feel overwhelmed, at other times, excited and perhaps at other times still, shamefully ignorant. They may fall in love with the thrill of engaging in new experiences. And they may feel scared by their own impulsivity and the peer pressure that pushes them in new directions.

We are learning that teens are not only going through a major body reconstruction with changes that move them physically from a child to an adult. They are simultaneously going through a major brain reconstruction. Whereas in younger years, they were wired for magic, for learning through play (and we never lose that ability to learn from play!), their brains are shifting toward logic and reasoning that will be a requirement of their adult years. But those connections to rational thinking have not fully been made and will not be well-established until their early-to-mid-twenties.2 These significant brain changes result in individuals with larger bodies who are more impulsive, easily excitable and eager for new experiences, but less able to make connections between their desires and what might be the outcomes of acting upon them. This adds to their high level of sensitivity to any judgments made related to their ever-evolving, at-times murky identity.

The last time we, as parents, underwent a major brain reconstruction was when we become new parents.3 So those feelings that accompanied that transition time in our lives that felt so magical, so vulnerable, and so overwhelming can help us relate to the feelings of our teens. Once, we looked at our helpless baby, so completely dependent on us for survival, and felt we knew nothing about what to do or how to act in our new role as a parent. Teens stand at the gateway to adulthood and the freedom of it all looks magical. They fall in love fast and hard for each other and the ideals and hopes of their future. But they are also faced with the overwhelming knowing that they are not knowledgeable about the world or fully ready to be on their own yet.

There is much we can do, as parents, to understand this unique time of life and the intense emotions that come with it. Here are some ways we can help extend our patience and understanding and make caring connections with our teens.

1. Be ready to listen when they are ready to talk.

Teens may not want to make eye contact or respond to probing questions on the spot. After all, they are trying to assert independence but have not truly found it yet. So look for occasions when you are together, not staring eyeball to eyeball. Go to your son’s room and hang out in his world for a little while, the only goal to make a connection. Or turn down the radio on the car ride to school to create the possibility for conversation. This openness on your part will build trust so that when he runs into problems, he is more likely to come to you.

2. Express curiosity about friends but not judgment.

Friendships change rapidly in the teenager’s world and there’s no way an adult can keep up. So instead of trying, ask good open-ended questions and express concern and curiosity without criticizing or judging. Your daughter might be more willing to come to you with friendship worries if you accept her friends as hers and offer your support when she needs it.

3. Talk cause and effect to mitigate risk.

The teenage brain is ready to take risks based on emotions like excitement without linking those thoughts and feelings to logic. Teens have not had much experience with the skill of foresight, looking into the future to anticipate outcomes. But those brain connections can be enhanced with practice and repetition. So whenever you get the opportunity – perhaps you hear about a story in the local news or learn about a neighbor or family friend – discuss cause and effect. The neighbor’s daughter wrecked the family car at the local park. What happened to get her to that point? What other choices could she have made? Why do you think she wrecked? What happens to her now that she’s injured and the car has to be fixed?

4. Establish plans for boundaries and rules together.

Boundaries are critical in any relationship. Discussing rules and boundaries with your teen can help both of you understand and adjust to his or her changing role in your family life. Treating a teen as you might a co-worker when setting boundaries for a work team can show that you trust your child to act responsibly and offers him a participatory role in the creation of rules. He can play a role in learning about and deciding what will keep everyone safe and thriving and you can work together to uphold those boundaries. Power struggles do not need to define a relationship between a parent and teen if they have worked together to create a plan. For more specifics about learning about social media together and developing a family social media agreement, check out this link.

5. Normalize feelings’ talk.

In general, people tend to not discuss feelings. The impression is often that they can sound like signs of weakness. Instead, we tend to focus our conversations on thoughts, ideas, and stories. Particularly for teens whose emotions seem to be more raw and sensitive, it helps to make the expression of feelings a regular part of family conversation. “I was nervous today for my meeting but it all went okay.” This makes discussion of emotions normal. Your son may be more willing to admit to his feelings. And that admission may offer understanding, connection with you, and possibly some relief of the isolation and pressures he might be experiencing.

6. Practice coping strategies.

Did you know that an estimated one-third of teens experience a high-level of ongoing anxiety?4 Since that is the case and since plenty of adults are dealing with anxiety too, how can you model coping strategies in your home life? How can you take deep breaths when upset? Sit down to calm down when you need it. One workshop participant said she and her son say the word “Red!” when they are feeling a rise in anger and need time and space to cool down. How can you help your son or daughter learn to cool down when upset? Check out the Family Emotional Safety Plan for a simple template that will walk you and your family through creating a plan for your most intense moments and how you might handle them with competence.

7. Plan for fights.

Every family fights. Families with teenagers may even fight a bit more considering all of the changes teens are dealing with internally and externally, in their social and school lives. So why not talk about what it means to fight fairly and what is off limits in conflicts? Check out this Fighting Fairly Family Pledge! It lists five easy ways to argue respectfully, ensuring that your relationships are stronger after you’ve worked through disagreements. It also lists from research six types of fighting to avoid, the practices that erode trust with one another.

8. Open the door to healthy risks!

Teens need to take risks in order to develop and learn. Their brains require the practice of making big and small choices and experiencing the consequences. Frances Jensen, MD, author of the book, The Teenage Brain, recalls a story of her son wanting to dye his hair purple.2 Her question to herself when he brought up the issue was, “Will this have a long-term adverse effect? If not, then I’ll support him.” And so she set up an appointment with a hairdresser she knew would do a professional dye job with his purple hair. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” might be an appropriate motto here. Zip lining, learning ceramics, performing on stage or serving meals at a local soup kitchen are all possibilities for feeding that desire for novelty while making healthy choices.

Finally, make sure that your teen is getting his daily dose of positivity, gratitude, and love! Consider that he’ll likely get a daily dosage of negativity through critics at school whether they are peers, teachers or coaches. He’ll get it through news on the radio or television. He’ll view the troubles of the world on social media. But how much love, connection, and appreciation does he receive and feel daily? Even if he insists on his personal space, have no doubt that he still needs that sense of belonging and loving connection that only you can provide. Parents play a critical role in making sure that the connection teens are craving is fulfilled at least in part through their family life.

Reference:

1. Princeton Survey Research Associates International. (2015). NBC State of Parenting Survey.

2. Jensen, Frances E. (2015). The Teenage Brain; A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults. NY: HarperCollins.

3. Pilyoung, K., Strathearn, L., & Swain, J.E. (2015). The Maternal Brain and Its Plasticity in Humans. Hormones and Behavior. 12; 4C.

4. Denizet-Lewis, B. (2017). Why Are More American Teenagers Than Ever Suffering from Severe Anxiety? The New York Times Magazine, Oct. 11.

Resources:

Check out Frontline’s Program, “Inside the Teenage Brain,” on PBS.

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Posted on October 10, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

United Nations’ Universal Children’s Day Pop-Up Festival

Join EQ #ChildrensDay!

To celebrate the United Nations’ Universal Children’s Day, November 20, allies in 100+ countries will collaborate to bring more emotional intelligence awareness and resources to children and the adults who support them… and you are invited to be part of it!

EQ #ChildrensDay celebration will create a long-lasting impact as participants will spread enthusiasm and skills for practicing emotional intelligence. Around the world, children and adults will participate in short fun and enriching activities together that offer practice in a social or emotional skill.

Do you and your child attend a playgroup? Are you involved in your children’s school? Are you an educator in a classroom? Take this opportunity to learn to facilitate a new activity while connecting with caring adults and children around the world AND contributing to your children’s emotional well-being! 

Fill in the form to sign up to be part of the celebration! Six Seconds, a global nonprofit organization that promotes emotional intelligence, will provide the instructions and kit. You bring together a group (4 people in your kitchen, 40 in your classroom, 400 in your office lobby, 4000 in your children’s museum…) — and you’ll create your own POP-UP Festival!

Confident Parents, Confident Kids is a partner and has created two festival activities – one for young children and their caregivers and another for groups of teenagers. Join us and be a part of this global celebration of children’s emotional well-being! 

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Posted on October 5, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

Upcoming Event on Life After High School

NBC News Education Nation Presents: “Build the Future” – Live from Boston

NBC News Education Nation is bringing together students and community members who are invested in their achievement for a robust discussion on the issues facing young adults after high school, and solutions to ensure their success. Produced in partnership with NBC Boston, the town hall will feature topics ranging from college access and equity to skills all young adults need now and for the future.

The two-hour broadcast will be moderated by NBC News Chief Education Correspondent Rehema Ellis and include six-panel topics, with each featuring multiple panelists from a variety of perspectives. Questions from audience members at the town hall and online will be seamlessly integrated throughout the program. While the broadcast will take place in Boston, the discussion and topics will be relevant to a national audience, as the event aims to inspire youth and adults across the country to both become mentors and support students on their path to success.

Are you a parent of a late teen or early twenty-something? Are you a high school or college educator? Do you work alongside young professionals? Don’t miss this important discussion. Do submit your questions and comments online to participate! 

Mark your calendars for Wednesday, October 11, 2017, from 6:00 – 8:00 p.m. Eastern Time. The discussion will be broadcast from the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum in Boston.

For those in the Boston area, you can catch the broadcast from 6:00 – 8:00 p.m. Eastern Time on the New England Cable News, as well as 7:00 – 8:00 p.m. ET on NBC Boston.

For all others, join the live-stream nationwide at EducationNation.com.

For more information, visit EducationNation.com.

@EducationNation @ParentToolkit

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Posted on October 3, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

New Resources for Increasing Respect and Caring in Schools

Check out the following resources to help create equity in schools…

Two organizations with shared missions to create equity in our schools – Beloved Community and Ripple Effects – are partnering to share resources and a survey to nurture respect.

For Educators or Parents Involved In Your Children’s Schools…

Check out the “I to I” survey. 

It’s a FREE, ANONYMOUS, DIGITAL tool to help students, parents, teachers, and non-teaching staff learn more about how each person, and their community as a whole, sees different groups of students. All four groups separately register their level of agreement or disagreement with the same three sets of 8 statements. Everyone gets a picture of the results, showing how what they see compares with the rest of their group, and how their group compares to the other groups in their setting. The more people use it, the more power it has as a national picture of how we see each other.  See the survey here and note protections for participant privacy.

If you are a parent looking for ways to get involved in your child’s school, this survey could be a wonderful tool to introduce at a Parent-Teacher Association meeting.

Check out and add your ideas to the Free Resource Bank!

It’s a list of simple practices from which members of the school community can draw to see each other more clearly, more deeply. You can add to it by describing in one line one way students, parents, teachers, and staff could call attention to or initiate a small habit for cultivating safety, caring and respect for one another. For example, Ripple Effects contribution is simply: Invite kids to tell a story about something they love about their ethnic background. These ideas will be listed at the end of the survey, along with a link to your organization as a Resource Contributor. Schools can sort through this bank of suggestions and find one to try.

Confident Parents, Confident Kids shared the following ideas:

  • Hang a banner (roll paper) along with markers in a highly-trafficked area. Label it “The Strengths of Our Families” and ask all to contribute drawings and words that best represent the family cultures who make up the school community.
  • When collecting contact information for the school directory, ask for one attribute of each family that is a source of strength or pride to list with contact information.

Thanks, Jessica Berlinski for sharing these new resources! You can check Jessica’s latest article on Ending One-Size-Fits-All-Programs for Social and Emotional Learning in the Hechinger Report.

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Posted on September 28, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

How Do You Teach Your Child To Be A Responsible Digital Citizen?


by Guest Writer, Ruth Dearing

If only I had a penny for every time I’ve been asked this question! It’s a big question most parents have, and unfortunately, there is no simple answer. There are lots of factors to take into consideration that work together to help a child become a responsible digital citizen, and we’ll look at a few of these now.

What Is A Responsible Digital Citizen?

According to wikiHow, “Being a responsible digital citizen means using technology appropriately and operating online safely and knowledgeably” (wikihow.com/Be-a-Responsible-Digital-Citizen). Clear as mud, right? What does “using technology appropriately” mean? And what’s involved in “operating online safely and knowledgeably”? No wonder parents are confused!

A more helpful explanation of responsible digital citizenship can be found at raisingchildren.net.au, where they explain that responsible digital citizenship means:

  • cultivating the social skills to take part in online community life in an ethical and respectful way
  • behaving lawfully
  • protecting your own as well as other people’s privacy
  • recognizing your rights and responsibilities when online, and
  • thinking about the impact of what you do online — on yourself, other people you know, and the wider online community

Let’s take a closer look at two of points above, the first and last ones in bold.

Getting Back To Basics

These two points come back to teaching your child basic social and emotional skills. Being a responsible digital citizen really isn’t that different to being a responsible citizen in the physical world. The technology used is simply a communication channel that often makes it easier to connect with people you might not otherwise see very often.

Being a responsible digital citizen is about human behavior and the underlying factors that influence that behavior. Technology on its own doesn’t demonstrate poor digital citizenship, it’s all in the way humans – both adults and children – choose to use the technology.

Three Tips To Teach Your Children To Be A Responsible Digital Citizen

Though there are numerous opportunities, we’ll delve further into just three ways you can help your children become responsible digital citizens based on the definitions above.

#1. Lead By Example

No doubt you’ve heard this before. Our children look to us as their parents to show them the way. They see what we do whether we like it or not. We can tell them what to do until we’re blue in the face, but our words will fall flat if we’re not leading the way by example.

If you’re in “Do as I say, not as I do” mode you’ll find it extremely difficult to make any positive progress with this challenge, or with any parenting challenge for that matter.

Show your children your social media activity so they can see first-hand what it means to be polite and respectful to other people online. Show them how you think about any possible impacts of your posts before you share them with others. And let them see examples of posts that are not polite or respectful.

If you don’t think your social media activities are a good example of responsible digital citizenship, step one is to change the way you use social media. Make the decision to use social media only for good purposes. Delete any posts you feel are not congruent with responsible digital citizenship and start fresh. Protecting your own online reputation can only be a good thing for you in any case!

#2. Teach Your Children The Online Golden Rule

The golden rule online is the same as the golden rule offline: treat other people how you wish to be treated. It seems amazing to me that the majority of children I speak with at schools who are aged between five and twelve years have never heard of the golden rule!

It’s never too early to discuss the golden rule with your children. If everyone just treated others how they wish to be treated the world would be a very different place – just imagine it! It starts with you and your children, one family at a time.

Share the concept with your children that it’s best to focus your energy on what you CAN control (how YOU treat other people), rather than on what you CAN’T control (how other people treat you).

#3. Treat People The Same Way Online As You Would In Person

For some reason, a lot of people say things online that they would never say offline. Maybe they gain courage because they’re hiding behind a screen. Maybe they think they’re anonymous so there won’t be any consequences for their actions. Or maybe they just lack empathy because they don’t see the face of the poor person on the receiving end of their comments.

The irony here is that if anything, it’s even more important to be polite and kind online than offline. Messages posted online form part of your digital footprint. They’re much more likely to be seen by more people online. A message posted online is more permanent and can affect a child’s chances of getting into their dream school, dream job or even dream relationship years down the track.

The other challenge with online communication is that the tone of a message can easily be misinterpreted. And of course tone and body language are far more important in communication than the words being used. It’s no wonder so many people are offended and upset by comments made on social media, even though it’s often not intended by the sender.

If you’d like your children to become responsible digital citizens it’s helpful to stop separating online and offline social skills. Those skills need to be ingrained in our children from a very early age. To get along socially, we need to be nice to other people. Cliché’s like “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” are very helpful, regardless of whether the communication happens online or face-to-face.

The Key To Teaching Responsible Digital Citizenship

There’s so much more to responsible digital citizenship, we are really just scratching the surface here. If there was one key to teaching your child how to be a responsible digital citizen, I would say it’s about encouraging your children to be considerate of other people online based on their own INTRINSIC VALUES. In other words, your children should want to be responsible online because they know it’s the best way to be within themselves, rather than for fear of external punishment.

Teaching your children to be responsible digital citizens, and in fact teaching them to be safe online in general, comes down to effective communication and ongoing education. If you’re struggling for time and you’d like more help to guide your children safely online, you’ll find lots of help at http://childrenandtechnology.com

My sincere thanks to author and educator Ruth Dearing for contributing her knowledge, experience and helpful tips here.

About the Author:

Ruth Dearing is an international best-selling author of “How To Keep Your Children Safe Online…And Put An End To Internet Addiction,“ public
speaker and mother of two from Australia. Her passion and expertise lies in “Peaceful Digital Parenting” – helping parents guide their children safely online.

 

 

 

 

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Posted on September 25, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

In NYMetro Parents Magazine… “How to Help Your Child Build Emotional Intelligence”

NYMetro Parents Magazine published an article in their October issue including interviews with Kathryn Lee, Director of Yale University’s RULER for Families and Confident Parents, Confident Kids’ author, Jennifer Miller on tips for how parents can support the development of emotional intelligence at various ages and stages. The article also points to important research from the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL) making a direct link between kids’ social and emotional skill development and academic performance. Here’s how it begins…

How to Help Your Child Build Emotional Intelligence

by Katelin Walling
High emotional intelligence translates to success across the board—in children academically and in adults professionally.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a hot topic these days, from the slew of articles discussing characteristics of those with high emotional intelligence to the business articles revealing the emotional-intelligence job skills everyone needs to be successful. And members of Bachelor Nation will undoubtedly remember the showdown between Corinne Olympios and Taylor Nolan on Nick Viall’s season of ABC’s The Bachelor, when Nolan told Olympios she lacked emotional intelligence.

But what exactly is emotional intelligence, and how can parents ensure their children have a high level? We spoke to experts to get a clear picture of EQ, its benefits to children, and how parents can help children build their emotional intelligence skills.

Emotional Intelligence Explained… Read the full article.

#parenting #SEL @NYMetroParents

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Posted on September 21, 2017 by confidentparentsconfidentkids

Safety and Caring First; Inclusion and Equity Plus Kindness Equals Learning


When ethnographer Angela Valenzuela spoke with immigrants in Texas – Mexican-American parents and students – and dug into the meaning of the Spanish word “educacion,” (in English: education) they understood it to mean “caring before learning.” 1 And that interpretation makes practical sense for any and all school communities. Children not only need to feel physically safe in order to learn at school, they require psychological safety too. If care is a prerequisite to learning, then it must be an explicit goal of any school community. We need to ask: How do students regularly have the chance to get to know one other on a personal level? How are teachers actively cultivating trust with students? How are families engaged and valued as partners in learning? And how is community cultivated among all stakeholders?

We, as parents and educators, have significant challenges to face. When children and families in our schools fear losing their homes whether it’s a result of flooding or new U.S. policies, those individuals will face great learning challenges. When lockdown procedures become the norm in schools who are attempting to protect the many against a few of their very own hurt children who may become active shooters, we have significant challenges to face in creating safe, caring learning environments.

Have we really embraced the fact that every individual – parents, teachers, students, receptionists, bus drivers, janitors, after-school program coordinators – in our school community impacts our own child’s school success? It’s an important step forward as we attempt to meet these challenges.

A focus on creating safe, caring school communities is vital. And research-based social and emotional learning in schools can facilitate that ongoing cultivation of care. Those schools learn ways to build trusting connections between peers so that when problems arise, relationships have been already been established. Instead of marginalizing or disparaging individuals or groups, those relationships foster support for one another. And communities can quickly rally around solving problems together. Students have chances to authentically engage with peers to not only begin to understand them as unique individuals who offer learning opportunities but also, begin to view their differences as strengths.

Our children will not be able to accomplish inclusion, equity and kindness on their own. They require adult supports. That includes our clearly-expressed expectations that we will reach out to those who are being marginalized. That we will take an interest in those who are different so that we can become more by learning about others. It will require our own self-reflection and course correction as we catch our own judgments being uttered. We’ll need to do our best to be models of inclusion if we are going to expect our children to include.

We can begin by having these conversations in our own homes with our families. We can examine our own assumptions about others. And we can reflect on the ways in which we strive to contribute to a more caring, inclusive school community. They are numerous opportunities if we only look for them. Here are some suggestion dinner conversation starters:

  • What do you appreciate about getting to know someone who is different from you?
  • Can you think of an example of a friend who introduced you to a new toy or movie or song that you now love that you wouldn’t have known about otherwise?
  • Are there some kids who are ignored or not included at school? When does it happen? Why does it happen? How does it make you feel?
  • What do you know about those children who are excluded? What are their interests, hobbies, or extracurricular activities?
  • What would you like to learn about a child who is different from you?
  • How could you show you care when others are being excluded? What little ways could you reach out to others?

When homework is brought home like the Scholastic News (Sept. 11, 2017 Edition) my son brought home just last night, it offers a perfect entry point for discussion. I asked:

  • How do you feel when you look at that picture?
  • What do you think those kids felt when they needed armed guards just to go to school?
  • In what ways do kids struggle now with feeling safe at school?
  • Do you feel safe at school always or are there times when you feel unsafe? Does anything at school help you regain your sense of safety?

Learn more by exploring the various resources below.

If you have a middle or high schooler, check out this opportunity!

Participate in the Kindness Challenge!
Making Caring Common and The KIND Foundation have once again partnered to launch the KIND Schools Challenge. Middle- and high-school students nationwide are invited to submit a project to make their school community kinder and more inclusive.
Applications are open now through October 20. Learn more, apply, and share with friends, colleagues, and students! http://kinded.com/kindschoolschallenge

Explore your own family’s heritage and learn about immigrants in your families’ past! 

Exploring the Past to Appreciate the Present – Though this activity was originally designed for a family game at Thanksgiving, it can be used at any time to learn about your family’s history!

I was delighted when August Aldebot-Green of Child Trends, an organization that works to improve children’s lives through high-quality research, shared this carefully curated list of resources for making schools supportive and safe for students from immigrant families. Thank you, Child Trends! Check these out!

Positive #schoolclimate is crucial for students affected by recent decisions about #immigration. Check out the resources from Learning First: https://learningfirst.org/topic/school-culture.

Parent Teacher Associations can work with schools to make sure every child is supported and included. Check out resources from the National PTA: https://www.pta.org/diversity.

Good relationships at school and high personal expectations promote #immigrant kids’ academic success. 

All students, regardless of #immigration status, have a right to public K-12 education. Check out Child Trends’ Moving Beyond Trauma Report. 

With Charlottesville in mind, and now DACA, the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning (@CASEL) has put together resources for educators who want to promote respect and understanding in children. Check out: http://www.casel.org/safe-and-respectful-environment-for-learning/

Supporting diversity at school may be more important than ever. Check out the @ParentTeacherAssociation’s diversity and inclusion toolkit.

In one study, 42% of Mexican immigrant students perceived themselves to be the target of teacher discrimination. You can help immigrant students feel supported by creating a class environment where cultural backgrounds are okay to talk about. Check out: http://www.migrationpolicy.org/research/educational-psychological-and-social-impact-discrimination-immigrant-child.

When we teach children to include others, we teach them to be kind and compassionate. How do you talk to your child about including others at school? Check out Be An Includer from PBS Parent Tips.

For educators looking to take leadership on racial equity, these three lessons from the Aspen Institute can apply to promoting constructive dialogue about immigration:
1. Start with facts and put them in context.
2. Create safe spaces for people to talk about race and strategies for achieving equity.
3. Emphasize that today’s racial inequities don’t depend on intentional racism.
Check out: https://assets.aspeninstitute.org/c
ontent/uploads/files/content/docs/pubs/Lessons_final.pdf

Check out the CPCK article, Expanding the Circle; Teaching Children the Values and Actions of Inclusion.

Reference:

1. Valenzuela, A. (1999). Subtractive schooling; U.S.-Mexican Youth and the Politics of Caring. NY: State University of New York Press.
http://www.sunypress.edu/p-3046-subtractive-schooling.aspx

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